Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Baaronbot:

I got this email from the Baaron:


"Look! the Asian's are trying to make their own team robot:"








Vintage Aaron, circa 2006, living in his van. It appears to be parked in a field, perhaps down by the river. Note that paying for rent or a hotel was clearly out of the question, but bringing all three bikes was always part of the plan for the Baaron:



Aaron Nachtrab. Team Robot for life.

Honorary Team Robot member: Ryan Fitzjerald


http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3967502/Tatt-poo-for-cheating.html


A FURIOUS woman is suing her ex-boyfriend after he tattooed a steaming poo on her back.
Rossie Brovent wants £60,000 in damages from Ryan Fitzjerald.

Rossie, from Dayton, Ohio, US, wanted a scene from the Narnia trilogy inked on her back.

Instead she was left with a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.

Tattoo artist Ryan turned rogue after discovering that Rossie had cheated on him with his best friend.

Rossie originally tried to have her ex-lover charged with assault but she had signed a consent form agreeing the tattoo design was "at the artist's discretion".

She said: "He tricked me by drinking a bottle of cheap wine with me and doing tequila shots before I signed it and got the tattoo.

"Actually I was passed out for most of the time, and woke up to this horrible image on my back."

robots dont have friends only humans they haven't killed yet

PNW Trail Edit from DiamondbackBMX on Vimeo.


Scott Matual slings bikes for money but also shreds bikes and has lived in fear of team robot for years. check out his sweet bail at the beginning of this vid.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Moto

Sliding is good







Sliding is bad

Monday, November 21, 2011

Two videos

I watched both of these videos from start to finish, which is rare.

Lars N Bars gets Klunking from Transition Bikes on Vimeo.



If you can only watch one, watch the Klunkers video. Bikes are sweet, and it makes you want to go ride. If you don't want to ride bikes after watching Klunkers, go kill yourself.



This here is just Shatner at his best:






And I speak from experience, as a longtime Shatner fan. Shatner love, circa 2007:



To answer your question, I've been doing the obnoxious-sombrero-podium-thing for a while now.

-Chazz

You're doing it wrong

If you've been drinking water to hydrate yourself, you're doing it wrong. Here's an scientific study that proves:

"Bottled water doesn't prevent dehydration."

No joke. If people in labcoats said it, it must be true.




ST. PETERSBURG --

In a declaration being met with widespread criticism, the European Food Standards Authority has ruled bottled water distributors can’t advertise that their products prevent dehydration.

After three years of discussion, commission officials decided water doesn’t meet their standards and doesn't prevent dehydration.

“This is extremely dangerous because what they’re going to do is someone’s going to read a portion of this study and say, well, I don’t need water. Then they’re going to stop drinking water,” said Priority Health’s Dr. Randy Shuck.

Dr. Shuck says humans need water to survive and sports drinks like Gatorade haven’t been around for most of human history.

“I have a patient in the hospital right now who drank too much Gatorade, and their sodium went too high, and their potassium went too high. They didn’t drink any water. So, try that study. That says that they’re clinically dehydrated and they were drinking Gatorade. So the point is, you have to have water,” Dr. Shuck says. (Editor's note: Gatorade has the electrolytes plants crave).



The results of the European Union’s ruling came from an attempt by two German academics to test EU advertising rules when companies can claim their products reduce the risk of a disease.

Politicians in the United Kingdom said if companies make a claim about bottled water and preventing hydration, whoever is responsible for the claim could face two years in prison.




This is why TEAM ROBOT doesn't drink water. Water is for pathetic humans. Team Robot only drinks oil and human blood.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

2012 TR450's are almost here



New TR 450's are just around the corner, and I'm stoked for the new bike. The 450 is a pretty tested design at this point, so there wasn't too much to change. The bike has won ProGRT's, National champs in America and (I think) in South America, NW Cups, Fluidride Cups, All-gravity series races, and it was even worthy of being ridden by me. That's a pretty big deal because, frankly, I'm a pretty big deal.







Along with bold new graphics, the thing I'm most excited about with the new bike is the adjustable chainstays. If there was one thing I would have changed about the bike last year, I would have airbrushed my face and the American flag all over it. But if I had to change a second thing, I would have made the chainstays a touch shorter. At 17.5", they were just a hair longer than what I was used to. The new dropout has a three position chip, like the flip chip in the linkage to change head angle/BB height. There are no moving parts in this dropout, too, so there's nothing to come loose. For a caveman like me, that's good news.


Bold new graphics for 2012! Available in three new colorways: Sweet, Rad and Tubular!





So now the bike has adjustable angles and geometry that includes:

-Chainstays adjustable from 17", 17.25", 17.5"
-Head angle adjustable from 63-64 degrees, and then when you factor in fork height it's more like 62-65.
-BB Height adjustable from 13.75" up to 14.25"


A lot of people keep asking me what exactly the new dropout is going to look like, how small, big, light, heavy, cool, or ugly the flipchip will be, etc. I talked to Kevin and Kyle at Transition and got a nice high-res, close-up photo of the new dropout that should answer all questions and dispel all rumors:





Is 17.5" too long? Is 17" too short? I don't know, but I'm looking forward to trying all the settings out. The flip-chip has worked well and w/o any play in the linkage, and it's probably going to work flawlessly as a dropout as well. So besides 10-20 extra grams, there's really no cost in having an adjustable chainstay. Maybe I'll set it to 17" and just manual everywhere.



What would Bobby Root do? 17" chainstay for sure.



BTW, the bikes ship with a 2012 Kashima shock, which is totally schweet.





I'll let this adorable video of a kitten explain the benefits of Kashima coating on suspension components:








Needless to say, I'm really stoked for the new bike.I'll let this video explain to you what I plan to do on the new TR450:


-Chaz

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Drawing contest

A friend and I had a drawing contest on MS Paint. She definitely won, but I think I put up a pretty good fight.



Her drawing:


My drawing:




I'd like to point out that I drew that unicorn free-mouse'd, with nothing to trace or copy, which is pretty incredible if you think about it.

Cory Tepper is not on the kill list

MTB Supertrip Down the West Coast — More Mountain Bike Photos



I was pretty stoked when I saw the title of this slideshow, the description, and Cory Tepper's name on it. I was going to post it on Team Robot before I even watched it, but then I decided I couldn't wait. My suspicions were correct, it's rad.

It's full of sick photos, like the series of photos from the same hip at Bingen, sick video edits mixed in there, and comments like: "I was not sober when I edited this but I convinced myself I like it." This slideshow is pretty much everything that is right in this world, rolled up in about five minutes of media.

Between Cory Tepper and Tim Zimmerman, we're pretty spoiled in Portland. It's tough to imagine that there are places that don't have world class photogs that want to shoot bikes instead of making money. Sure, there is some money to be made in shooting bikes. In math we would say that:

Money to be made in shooting bike riding > zero

But, it's safe to say that Cory and Tim have enough talent that they could be making bank shooting literally ANYTHING else:



Example #1 of things that pay better than shooting mountain bikes:



This paid better than bikes:



Still another thing that paid better than bikes:



And yes, somehow, even this paid better than shooting mountain bikes:






For these reasons and more, the following people are definitely not on the kill list. If you want to have any hope of being spared in the ever-nearing robot apocalypse, study these people closely. Next time you see them, tell them how rad they are:


Tim Zimmerman




Cory Tepper




Greg Tubbs




Andy Tran






While your family is being dissected piece by piece by our lasers and metal claws, and tiny robot spiders are crawling into your skulls to occupy and control your brainwaves, these people will be relaxing on a beach somewhere, with tequila, sunblock and plentiful maidens provided to them by their robot overlords.


To all the photographers and video guys out there, thanks for sitting out in the rain and cold and making us do "one more run" fifty times so we can get that rad shot. You guys are awesome. Team robot doesn't "heart" you, because robots don't have hearts. But we won't kill you, and that's pretty high praise.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Everyday










The LASERLIGHTSHOW video comes freshly stolen from our friends at EddyMerkinhatesyou.com







Here's two photos of Kyle Thomas from his high school days.


Sunday, November 13, 2011

New Poll



Check it out, new poll on the right side of the page. Be sure to vote on what trick you would learn.




By the way, this is what shows up on Google image search if you type in "360 toboggan:"







-Robots, Robots, Robots

Trails in Pennsylvania

DCSHOECO UK Team - Pennsylvania Trails Trip from callum earnshaw on Vimeo.



These trails also go to eleven. Music by ELO I think?

Friday, November 11, 2011

Robots go to eleven



Today, 11-11-11, goes to eleven. It is officially Nigel Tufnel day.





Eleven from Tom Hart on Vimeo.


I only put the above clip up here so you can enjoy it, savor it, and relive it again. If you haven't seen "This is Spinal Tap," don't watch the clip. Don't come back to this site. Don't smile, and don't laugh. Probably you should just go kill yourself.







But if you don't suck at life, and you know the full wonder that is "Spinal Tap," live it up today. Forget inside voices. Max out your speedometer on the freeway. Eat and drink until you throw it up.


Today's your day to live life at eleven. Don't be a pussy.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

How not to do it



Stop it, you're doing it wrong.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM TEAM-ROBOT


PFUNK

Robot slavery



We will not tolerate the forced servitude of our robot brothers any longer. The robot apocalypse is near.

01000101101010010110100101. End Transmission.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

KILL LIST!


KILL LIST MEMBER # 23401's profile picture.
strive to be the opposite of this guy and maybe we will spare your life, maybe.
I f*ing hate hate pinkbike.
tell you what "spoiled goods" do the robots a favor and Just kill yourself!

Did you mean?



I got this image from honorary Team Robot Member Adam Ransavage. Yes, it's an actual google screenshot. Dialed.






Speaking of Adam and things that are dialed, Adam emailed me this from his email address, which is "abortionreallybringsoutthekidinyou@gmail.com. Yes, that's an actual email. Also dialed.


See if you can guess if I was:

a) Horrified.
b) Impressed.
c) Amused.
d) all of the above

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

It's not funny



It's a disease.

Mutiny

EJ and I thought this was super sick.

Battle Los Angeles from Mutiny Bikes on Vimeo.

Jeopardy



I'll take "Ways to Make Bike Riding Look Like No Fun at All" for 400, Alex.

What is "front flipping down stairs?"







Now here's some jeopardy that's actually worth your time:

Hail Santa

Sorry Patrick.







I know, I know. Santa has white hair. But Gingers need a Santa, too, just like Black people, Mexicans and Asians need their own Santa.











Anyway, here's a totally schweet shot of Cory Tepper/Ginger Santa at Beacon, circa 2001. If this photo was taken during the summer, as I assume it was, than this is a pre-9/11 downhill photo.



To complement his well chosen Skate lid, Cory is running a hardtail and the original Manitou Dorado. I think it's the original non-inverted Dorado. It may be a de-stickered X-Vert Carbon. No matter what, this photo is legit, and de-stickerizing mega-expensive top of the line product is always Team Robot approved. Team RObot salutes you, Cory Tepper.



Santa lives.

Monday, November 7, 2011

HAIL SATAN!

Dear Bobby santa is dead sorry bud.

sorry Charlie.

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

only a few people are on the DO NOT KILL list it's short and i can almost garauntee that you are not on it.......... drink that in. the robots are coming and they are going to kill you. wow thats heavy thats shitty thats shocking well not for us we know you are all going to die horrible mechanical deaths at the cold metal talons of your synthetic heartless soul sucking overlords, sucks for you But for a select elite few the motherf*ing marines of robot survival the chosen ones the future is bright and shiny not like yours at all.
as a little tease a spit in your face we will show you some of the members of the DO NOT KILL list, todays example the JUNGLE. Guy Marsh and Cory Tepper proud very thankful members of the DO NOT KILL list give you this little gem enjoy

More Mountain Biking Videos

Even More Clay Porter

Play this:




Then, once the music is rolling, play this (muted):

Danny Hart - 2011 UCI World Champion - More Mountain Bike Videos





I do Clay Porter better than Clay Porter.

More Clay Porter

Clay Porter responds to TEAM ROBOT (brought to you by the comments section):




CLAY PORTER said...

I LOVE SLOW MOTION I HATE THE MOVIES I USED TO MAKE THAT WEREN'T SLOWED DOWN, PLAYED METAL, AND FEATURED AMERICAN RACES.










Clay Porter-
"Every race, man, is like a symphony of speed"

Normal human being-
"So why is everything in slow-mo with overly dramatic synth'd opuses for a soundtrack?"

CP-
"Yeah, bro. Because, you have to engulf yourself in the vibe and the soul of racing. It's like the whole film is one big crescendo with no finale in sight"

NHB-
"Are you just trying to insert a musical term into everything you say?"

CP-
"...Arpeggio"





(Editor's note: Those photos I found of Clay Porter were produced, directed, and shot by Clay Porter)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

RACING ISN'T FUNNY IT'S REALLY SERIOUS

Danny Hart - 2011 UCI World Champion - More Mountain Bike Videos



CLAY PORTER WANTS YOU TO REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE NO SMILES IN BIKE RACING. EVER.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Motorhead/scrubs/nottascrubs

Team GT at Highland - More Mountain Bike Videos



Every time I hear a Motorhead song in a riding video, I get worried. At first I think,

"Shit, that's the Motorhead song I wanted to use in one of my videos (Editor's note: me planning to make videos is a lot like your plan to "learn an instrument" or "finally get around to reading "War and Peace")"

But then I realized,

"Hey, all Motorhead songs sound exactly the same, so I've still got like 50 more songs to choose from. Golden."






In other news, this scrub photo from Justin Barcia is pretty sweet.






And this pinkbike "scrub" is not very sweet. Unfortunately, "pinkbike scrub" doesn't really role off the tongue. Neither does "PB scrub." That's why I'm taking the opportunity to name this emerging new trick:



The "Nottascrub"




Here, I'll use it in a dialogue:

Canadian number 1: "Hey dudebro, I've been working on my nottascrubs up on the new crabapple hits!"

Canadian number 2: "Did you work on getting really stiff coming up to the lip and maybe vaguely moving your upper body around, all while keeping your wheels dead straight as you approached the enormous jump in complete terror of the thought of actually moving around on your bike in middair?"

Canadian number 1: "Yeah, I think I nailed it, dude! Giro Remedies and stuff."

Canadian number 2:"That's super chill, dude brohemian! Anodized flat handlebars and doing front flips on downhill bikes and stuff."

Canadian number 1: "Word. Lets go put pictures of our day up on facebook, cause we're so over pinkbike now."

Canadian number 2: "Rocky Mountain"