Camelbak + freeriding = ?

Subtle.

 

 

Because when you spend the best years of your twenties chasing perfection and pursuing a dream at mortal risk to your body, to celebrate your moment of ultimate triumph you'll want a trophy that looks like someone spraypainted an $8 water bottle. Oh, but it looks like textured spraypaint, so that somehow makes it better.

 

 

 

 

 

Why again is Camelbak the presenting sponsor of the Freeride Mountain Bike Tour? Literally no one on the entire tour is riding in a Camelbak, and maybe three of them will ever even consume water from a Camelbak waterbottle. I don't follow or watch the FMB because I don't care, but maybe, just maybe, best case scenario Camelbak corporate has hot chicks in Camelbak t-shirts handing out Camelbak-branded bottles of water to riders after the final drop or the finish line or whatever you call it in these second rate non-racing events.

 

But that's best case scenario, and I assume all those contests have an energy drink sponsor who's already done that and is light years ahead of Camelbak in terms of marketing. Again, I haven't watched so I don't know, but I'd be willing to guess that Monster already has hordes of nameless, faceless, bleach-blonde 10's hording the base of every slopestyle course in green bikini-tops and leather bondage miniskirts handing out drinks with backmounted sound systems blasting Awolnation while on fire and shooting green fireworks out of their 10-inch green LED stilettos. Just an educated guess.

 

 

And besides all that, it's written in all Camelbak contracts that no one can do a 360, or a backflip, or anything rad, in a Camelbak other than Kirt Voreis.

 

 

I'm not making this up either, this is official signed-and-sealed contract shit we're talking about here.