Team-Robot

Monday, March 5, 2012

Whistler's marketing department added a new trail called "Top of the World" where you can wait in the line forever at their season pass office to hopefully be one of the 100 riders per day that gets to buy the "top of the world" pass, which is good for one run, unless there's a media event or visiting pro riders or a corporate event in which case they give the passes away to those guys and you don't get to do it no matter how long you wait in line. Continuing to rain on your parade:

Whistler's "Top of the World" trail on paper:

Whistler's "Top of the World" trail in practice:

Anyway, a lot of people on Pinkbike were pretty stoked about this, and they shared their stoke in the comments. One comment that jumped out at me came from Nevada Spelling Bee Champion "supr-ridr:"

"Yeah im all for being patriotic and what not, but lets be honest here who wouldnt want to be canadian and live in B.C."

Me.

Lawncare experts

In terms of aptitude with technology, I'm basically a 70-year-old stuck in a 23-year old's body. I'm so far off the back, I still have a yahoo email account. For the privilege of using yahoo mail, I am treated to little "news" stories that pop up in the window all around whatever I actually want to look at. These news stories can range from "who wore that the best" to "8 recipes with pine nuts" to "eat this not that" to "Kourtney Kardashian said what?"

I've affectionately dubbed these little stories "the fake news". Basically they're hardly news stories, and they're targeted at the lowest-common-denominator human beings in the internet-reading gene pool. Obviously I read them all.

So today in the fake news, I saw an article labeled "Careers That Won't Make You Fat." I like a good challenge as much as the next guy, so I wanted to see if I could disprove their lofty claim.

Simple mission: pick the #1 career that "won't make you fat" (it was firefighting, by the way), and see if I could find a counterpoint.

One quick google search on "fat firefighter" later, and mission accomplished:

Way to beat the odds, man.

After accomplishing my goal and, subsequently, my whole day's labors, I scrolled down to see what the other allegedly "non-fattening" careers were.

#3 was "Landscaping:"

Wait, what does a landscaper look like again?

It was at that moment that I realized I had clicked the wrong link on the webpage. This goes back to that aptitude with technology problem I have. I thought I had clicked "Careers That Won't Make You Fat," with a list of actual careers that won't make you fat.

Oops.

In actuality I had accidentally clicked the link right next to it entitled "Costumes for male strippers that you need to not be fat for:"

I wanted to make the best out of a bad situation, so I tried to think of who I could send it to that could use that sort of information.

I sent the link to Bob immediately.

Bob's still dialing in his gay lumberjack outfit.

-Chaz

Part Robot

Unit 0010101001, human name "Adolfo Almarza." Part man, part machine, he's still a work in progress. It's been brought to our attention that he didn't win the race in Brazil. Normally we crush and recycle robots that lose races, but give him some credit; you've got to remember that he's still part human. We at Team Robot believe that when we can replace the rest of the man in him with machine parts, he'll be ready to win every race. He's still a work in progress, and it's incredible that he's come so far on his weak, soft, pathetic human bones and joints that can be so easily crushed with pincer claws or eviscerated with laser vision.

Unit 1001010100, human name "Oscar Pistorious," is nearly complete. He's winning pretty much every race he enters, which is on par for robots vs. humans:

That incredible Adolfo Almarza photo was sent to me by Pro Rider Birry Rewis.

Also, if you don't understand that Mr. Almarza is an incredible athlete with an inspiring story, and that we at Team Robot have the utmost respect for him, and that this was a joke