Friday, October 17, 2014

Kill me now

If I never hear the word "zone" used in a mountain bike context ever again, I'll be a happy robot.

If there aren't any trails there yet, you can just call it "a hill."

Industry Insider

Another conspiracy afoot, and another pressing issue that needs delving into. Is this a unilateral act by Commencal only, or is Commencal merely a pawn playing out the first move in a greater chess game that is, in fact, an industry wide conspiracy?

We immediately connected with BikeJames about this conspiracy, a meeting of the minds if you will, and he has deferred this hot lead to the investigatory journalists here at THE BOT. Sort of like when the grizzled, time-tested but tired head dog journalist at the paper gives the young up-and-comer a shot at the big time, reluctant but ready to pass the torch to the next generation. Like when Tommy Lee Jones trains Will Smith in MIB, but he's not training his partner, he's really training his replacement.

We won't let you down, James. TEAM ROBOT: you new source for top notch investigatory journalism.

This is pretty much what it's like at ROBOT HQ, except with more strippers and blow.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Industry Insider

Even better than "Special Ed."

The ROBOT apocalypse will be air-powered

Shimano Airlines: a preview of the sound of your impending mechanized doom.

The sound of Chris King ringdrives will also feature heavily in ROBOT armageddon:

Eric Carter: Spiritual Guru


Balfa BB7
Super Monster
24 inch Outlaws
Holy Rollers
Diabolus Cranks
World Force 3" riser bar
Love seat
Road cassette with long cage Deore derailleur
Hayes Mags
That seat clamp

Other than BMW Shinburgers and a 50 tooth MRP, it's pretty tough to improve on that rig. Maybe Hookworms.

[Editor's note: Thanks for setting me straight in the comments. Yes, a remote reservoir Avalanche shock is pretty mandatory for this bike. Can't believe I let that detail slip.]

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

BikeJames, Investigatory Journalist

James Wilson is currently losing his mind over on, trying to convince you there's a massive conspiracy and cover up at not only Trek BUT ALSO THE GREATER MTB INDUSTRY to coerce you out of buying flat pedals. It's really worth a read. I've highlighted some of the crazier quotes below for your reading enjoyment, but here's the spark notes:
  1. Dude stakes whole coaching career on the value of flat pedals
  2. Dude/coach/life guru needs constant web content
  3. Dude discovers some arcane CPSC/SNELL/CEN compliance sticker that recommends clips or toe straps.
  4. Dude loses mind and launches enormous investigative report into this non-issue, blaming and finger pointing at half the bike industry and media.

Here are some of those instant-classic highlights:

"So what would you say if I told you that a major bike manufacturer was shipping all of their mountain bikes with a sticker that told riders not to use flat pedals?"

"What if the company had been caught in several lies and that they were actually misquoting and misrepresenting laws in defense of the sticker?"

"Despite sending several follow up emails I have never heard anything back from him."

But if I've caught them in some sort of lie and there is another reason for the stickers to be there, then what is that reason?"

"There were no checks-and-balances for this sticker being placed on their mountain bikes and there was no inter-department communication."

I like the part where he evokes the constitution itself, citing the total disregard for the institutional checks and balances that our freedoms are built upon, putting at risk not merely our bike riding, our recreation, or even our ability to travel freely, but our very way of life. I think that's what he would have said, anyway, if he'd kept going.

But all of this leaves me with one question, James. Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your "do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist?"

No matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist

No matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way?

Monday, October 13, 2014


"Brown pow and Aggy, brah."