Friday, April 29, 2011



Another rich guy with bad teeth and a receding hairline just got married to a knockout model in England today.

Now she is a princess.

Here are TEAM ROBOT's thoughts on monarchy:

Now here are some real kings:

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Two things I like

1. Matt Priest
2. The trails scene in Austin, Texas

Matt Priest - Welcome To Amity from Mike King on Vimeo.

Check and check, plus a 540 to dirt. Retarded.

Also a random 360 in Norcal:

The most useful news in the history of the world,2250/Slideshow,18262/sspomer,2

Bar height with Duncan Riffle. You might not be tall, wear ironic facial hair, or have lightning bolts tattooed on your calves, but this piece on Vital is super interesting, and asks a question I think a lot of people should be thinking about.

If your front end looks like the photo below, ask yourself: why do I run my bike like this?

I used to run a slammed front end. I thought it felt awesome, and it really matched my riding style at the time. Unfortunately, my riding style at the time sucked, and the low front end just kept me in the same rut. I used to have all my weight on my hands, and my rear wheel would skip and drift around everywhere I went. When I crashed, it was always over the handlebars. You can't rip a turn with your weight on your hands.

With a low front end, your weight goes to your hands. Your weight should be on your feet when you turn. Watch Brendan Fairclough ride. His riding style is an extreme example, but his front wheel barely touches the ground when he rides. He's manualing over bumps and through turns. There should be very little force going to your hands when you turn, and it should be almost entirely in the first part of the turn.

It was only once my bars and fork started getting taller that my weight started moving towards the back of the bike and onto my rear wheel. Now, I can actually turn. As an added bonus, I also don't get sent over the bars every time shit goes South.

High=awesome. Lecture over.

By the way, Team Robot lifecoach and Carrottop stunt double Patrick Funk told me to run my front end higher about 5 years ago, and I thought he was crazy. Patrick, you told me so.

Dirt is fun

Cedric jumping a big pile of dirt.

A bunch of piles of dirt that I want to jump.

Monday, April 25, 2011

An actual scrub

Find a picture of a mountain bike rider doing this, and you'll have found a picture of a mountain biker doing an actual scrub.

Editor's note: I can neither find a picture of a mountain biker doing this, nor can I myself do this.

Little Kicks

The president Dmitry Medvedev of Russia dancing (gray suit):

Elaine Bennis dancing (black jacket/skirt):

Oh yeah, and Aaron Gwin won the World Cup in South Africa:

More Mountain Biking Videos

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Earth Day

Happy Earth Day:

Robots support George Carlin.

Hate for your Monday

You hate going to work, and it's Monday. Here's even more hate for your day:

Silvia Introduction - Dylan Sherrard on

Here's the description for this video:

"The first of many things to come from Silvia, the creative collaboration between three mountain bikers from Kamloops, B.C. elevating lifestyle to an artform. Karl Heldt, Matt Miles, Dylan Sherrard."

Wait. What did they say?

"three mountain bikers from Kamloops, B.C. elevating lifestyle to an artform"

WTF is that supposed to mean? And since when did I even care about your lifestyle?

(By the way, outside of the mountain biking bubble, normal people use the much simpler term "life," instead of "lifestyle." Kind of like "colors" vs. "colorways." It is much easier to say, and doesn't make you sound like such a conceited idiot)

Let's review this kid and his friends "lifestyle" that's apparently "elevated to an artform":

1. Living with your parents? check

2. In the town you grew up in? double check

3. Shooting one video a year? check

4. Still having the nerve to call yourself and your friends a "team" or a "collective" or a "collabo" or whatever term this retard used

5. Having shots of things as unique as "driving to the trail" or "using a shovel" or "pushing your bike to the top of the hill." Things like these really set your "lifestyle" apart from other mountain bikers boring "lives."

If that elevates a persons lifestyle to an artform, then consider me the Mona Lisa. I check all those boxes, and then some. I'm pretty much bi-winning.

Oh, look, it's someone who's actually "elevating lifestyle to an artform": Charlie Sheen. Let's review:

Banging seven gram rocks? check
Total frickin rock star from Mars? check
Tiger blood? check
Absolute victory? check
On a quest? check
Right every single wrong? check

Pretty much winning. Charlie has one gear: Go.

I didn't even watch this carbon copy Canadian neo-freeride movie, but let me take a guess as to what's in there:

1. Soulful music during an excessively long intro. I bet you have to wait a whole minute before you can watch riding.

2. Lots of slow mo, close up super high res, overly color-filtered shots.

3. A bunch of blown out, dusty trail. Because it's in Kamloops, we know the trail will be totally blown out. Because it's a freerider on a downhill bike, we can expect to see lots of boring riding where the rider is going fast-ish, but it's not very interested. Probably at least a couple brake drags in corners to throw up roost.

4. When jumps are included, expect to see the same trick/whip/jump shown over and over again. To make it feel even more dreadful, expect all shots of the same jump to be in slow mo.

5. A bunch of these shoulder buzzer, not a table, not an invert, definitely Canadian things, whatever the shit these are:

How, in the world of Sheen, could ANYONE say that their shitty little life is a "lifestyle," led alone an artform.

If you tried on his brain, you'd be like "dude, can't handle it."

More hate for your Monday

The good: This photo is really cool, has very impressive riding, and is generally well done.

The hate: Is this really a scrub? If you read the comments on pinkbike, it obviously is, because it meets three criteria:

1. He is wearing a racer kit. Racers scrub everything in pinkbike world.
2. His bike is not perfectly vertical going off the lip. Plus 5 horsepower, and instant scrub status.
3. He's staying low. Anytime you stay low on a jump, it's obviously a scrub.

Sure he's leaned over, and is compressing to stay low on this jump, but is his rear tire drifting sideways off the lip? His bike isn't turned sideways off the lip, so why would his tire slide. By the way, being de-weighted and having your itre slide half an inch on the last 5 inches of lip doesn't count.

But, 90% of the comments for this photo still included the word "scrub." My personal favorite:

"I've never even seen a woman in the kitchen scrubbing that hard."

Odd choice of words, though. When I make fun of the opposite sex, I assume the woman is already in the kitchen. No need to spell that one out.

Let's do a quick review of what pictures that pinkbike users self-titled "scrubs:"

This is called "squashing." When you stay low off a jump, you have squashed it. And no, doing a mild turnbar does not upgrade a squash to a scrub. Good try, though.

That's just leaning while you go off a lip. He's turning to go to the right, so it's not really anything. If this is a scrub, then I have scrubbed every hip I've even ridden.

That's just a whip. C'mon people.

This guys not even trying. He's literally not doing anything.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Getting it done

Us getting it done at the trails:

Phil getting it done at Deer Valley in 07 (found this one on the old hard drive. Sweet, but should have been a little closer, I think):

Deer Valley=best race course ever.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Sea Otter 2011

A bunch of people got on podiums and received medals, but Eliot Jackson won Sea Otter this year.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Arnold Rave

The determination on his face, the focus, the drive.

Sea Otter

Thank God I didn't pay money to go to the Otter again. Here's a quick walk down memory lane for those of us who've suffered through the Otter.

Skibowl in England

It looks like English folks have their own version of Mt. Hood Skibowl, except they call it Moelfre. Another killer video from Scott Marshall, of Speed Kings fame:


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

English people talk funny, ride well

Totally hella balls to the wall awesome

The Death penalty is totally hella balls to the wall awesome:

This truck is totally hella balls to the wall awesome:

Lone Wolf McQuade starring Chuck Norris is totally hella balls to the wall awesome:

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Actual bike riding on Team Robot

Charlie Sponsel on a TR450 from Jackson Gango on Vimeo.

Bike check with Chaz. Thanks to Jackson Gango for making it happen. Jackson even has a website:

If the movie sucks, blame him.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


These photos are not a bummer.

And when I tell you that all of these bikes are owned by the same guy, who is also the guy who poses them in different places in his house for photos that he puts on pinkbike, these photos are a bummer.

Beacon Race report/Port Angeles Preport

Race report, and only one and a half weeks late:

We rolled up to Spokane in the Continental Black Chili Wagon with Conti rep and Kona rider Matt Slaven. As far as van's go, Matt's got his pretty much dialed. Perfection? Almost.

On the way to Spokane we stopped off in Hood River and checked out Discover Bikes. This mild-mannered bike shop may look like any other...

But on the third floor it contains an indoor, all wood pumptrack, complete with a quarter pipe. Sweet.

Matt on the pumptrack. Just be aware, the qaurter pipe is really tight and hard to ride, so cut Slaven some slack. Plus, Paul and Matt are, like, 47 years old or something, so it's just cool they can even ride anymore.

I pretty much blew Paul's mind when I showed him the best free ap in the world, iPity. It's a Mr.T quotinator. Yeah, I know, I just blew your mind, too. Once we figured out how to plug his I-phone into the Chili Wagons stereo, it was T-time.


I wasn't planning on racing Saturday, beacuse I suck, but Lars entered me anyway. One practice run and tenth place=sweet?

My warmup for Saturday's race: spreading hate and losing my voice cheering for sports and beginners. Here I am welcoming Pro Rider Kyle Thomas to our hate outpost on the side of the course.

Fortunately, even after I had to retire from yelling hateful obscenities, Seattle Bob was still there. Bob's stitches meant he couldn't race, but that didn't mean he couldn't still ruin other people's race runs. Bob doing his best to make everyone's day a little worse:


Last year off the drop:

This year off the drop:

Last year down the steep part:

This year down the steep part:

Needless to say, things went pretty well this year. Beacon was a good start to the year. 3rd place and a hundred bucks. I beat 4th place by a quarter of a second, which sucks for that guy.

On the other hand, I missed out on 2nd place and another $75 by three hundredths of a second, so that pretty much sucks for me.

Port Angeles Pro GRT TEAM ROBOT race preport/prediction:

Total Annihilation by TEAM ROBOT