Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Skibowl. More to come...

That was the tits Tuesday:

Detroit Rock City?

Great song:

Great trail:

Pretty bad movie, but so good:

Before KISS was really old and Gene Simmons had to have his prostate checked daily, that was the tits.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


old stuff for your ear holes.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Greg Herbold cut the course in 1990=best site ever

This site's amazing: http://www.site.hbcutthecoursein1990.com/Home.php

Favorite excerpts:

"OK, so the other day a fellow tried to make the case that HB did not, indeed, cut the course. After careful consideration I have blown three holes in his argument:

This person is foreign

This person was not from America, and

These colors don’t run

This site does not promote prejudice in any way and embraces all, but since none of his points seem to hold water, we do not see a compelling reason to change our entire premise."

On Duncan Riffle: "Nice lightning bolt tattoos on the back of your legs. Those would be obnoxious on Peaty or Minnaar or Hill. You know, the fast guys. Granted, you’ve gotten faster lately…but not lightning-bolts-on-the-back-of-legs fast. And definitely not condom-company-as-a-sponsor fast."

On Brian Lopes: "Never has one so talented done so little for the sport of mountain biking.

PS. Put a fucking shirt on. You ever see any other, repeat: any other professional mountain bikers sitting around with their shirt off? You could wear an Ibis or Kenda T-shirt and rep your sponsors...or maybe you're content with having your name on every fucking component on your bike. Oh, and those El Moco tires of yours, well done. Kenda makes good tires, but I'd stick my dick in a beehive before riding your piece of shit "55" logo'd jobbies again."

On independent bike dealers:

"fuck·tard (fuk’tard) n.

1. A foolish or stupid person.
2. A person of profound mental retardation, usually owning a bicycle shop and generally unable to learn about the product he/she wants to sell. In order to make money. No seriously, these people want to keep everything the same so that they don’t have to learn from year to year. Oh…did we mention "massive sense of entitlement?"

Pretty much the best site ever.

Patrick plus tree equals high

Sweet picture of Patrick way up there in Laurelhurst park. Dialed picture courtesy of Cory Tepper Brofessional photographer.

Speaking of high, Missy Giove got busted for smuggling 400 pounds of pot. I'm a boy scout, so I have no idea how much that really is, but it sounds like a lot. It apparently didn't all fit in Missy's trailer that see got busted with.


"I don't know much about this guy here but he looks like a pinner with his expression and bike (foes are badass) Not really suprised he got caught."

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I'm retiring from the internet

I love watching videos on the internet. That joy has brought you pages of retarded team robot posts, and has kept me very entertained.

The bummer about looking at videos on the internet is that you never know what you are going to get, much like life when you are a quasi-retarded runner/soldier/commercial fisherman/multimillionaire with a southern accent.

When I look at videos on pinkbike, there is a very good chance they will suck. After all, most pinkbike users are canadian, and think that Transition makes the BEST BIKES EVER. If you hate me for my lack of respect for Transition, please note that "Transition" is capitalized and "canada" or "canadian" isn't.

Anyway, I was suspicious when I saw this video. It said "Daryl riding Vedder." Vedder is a canadian riding spot in Chilliwack, BC, and Daryl? I thought maybe that was referring to Team Pinkbike's own Darryl Bartlett.

Darryl's a pretty fast rider with okay results, he always wears fancy matching kits, and he never seems to smile, at least when I've been around. Basically he is their team's patrick:

Well, watching Patrick ride is always fun, so I figured I'd see if this movie didn't suck. It was made in canada, so the music would probably suck, but whatever, right?

Wrong. Daryl24's profile picture was the first clue:

Things didn't look good, but I pressed on. When I started the movie, I stopped it in one second flat:

On first instinct, I stopped the video immediately. But let's explore this a little deeper...

Kona? check

canadian? check?

Stupid skeleton T-shirt in profile picture? check

Clearly 14 years old? check

Single crown plus full face indicating imminent bad attempts at "style," "tricks," or (worst of all) "style tricks?" check

Wierd sideways head cock to denote false sense of humor/coolness? check

Still canadian? double check

Careful kids. Surfing the internet can be fun, but if you're not looking out, innocent attempts to watch actually good bike riding can result in horrible things, like watching canadians ride bikes. I'm not really retiring from the internet.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

New Poll!

New poll! Check it out on the right of the page, over there. Here's your chance to give us here at Team Robot some constructive criticism.


a) Go die.
b) Kill ourselves.
c) Stop sucking at life.

d) Stop losing races and start dying.

Officer Rivieri, PART TWO!!!


This was a bummer when I saw it, especially because Shladming is basically identical to Washington. Bummer, Strobel.

I swear I do other things than sit on the computer and look at youtube. But when it's finals week, and I'm already sitting at the computer, things can get ugly.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

From our friends at Giant


From Paul: "These are the trails I rode this winter in CA. Saw Heath do half this shit. The guy can manual like it’s never going out of style. These are a lot bigger than they look, cause Heath makes them seem easy. I like men and have a big nose."

Paul shredding his TonicFab Howie.

Thanks for the link, Paul. I'm looking forward to FINALLY digging with you at the trails next week.

Cops rule.

"First of all you disrespected me, this badge, and this department."

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Still the man

26 seconds of 2007 Alex Rankin vs. a whole hour of Between the Tape?

Yeah, Clay porter pretty much loses this match.

Maribor's coming up, and my bet is that Sam wants a win real bad.


P.S. I don't like Mastadon

Funnest day ever

I'm convinced that drifting through explosions and blowing up lightubes with your car has to be the funnest activity ever.

Ken Block+sharpie+my forehead+mullet=stoked

Sunday, June 7, 2009


fucking vikings!? yes!

if you dont like mastodon you have to stop reading our stupid little blog.


He's a big dumb animal, isn't he folks?

I know this photos already been up on this site, but look at how un-stoked Phil is with 4th. Clearly, he wanted to win, and we all know he could have.

Either he's bummed about 4th place, or he's looking down in disappointment because he's as bummed as I am that Patrick hasn't been updating Metal Mondays.

He was much more excited about 3rd place overall.

Don't worry, Phil, Patrick will update this site. Eventually.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Won't bind your legs

Whenever I get an email from Tony at TonicFab, I can always trust that it will be good. Like, really good:

Angel Fire, New Mexico

Two week old update: Angel Fire was rad.

It's still bumpy, rocky, and unpleasant down there in New Mexico, which by the way, is way worse than the old Mexico. You figure when someone makes something new, they'll make it better, right? Wrong.

The old Mexico:

Cheap shit
Gnarly prostitutes
The ocean
Spike-faced death fish

The New Mexico?

The New Mexico blows.

The New Mexico wasn't all bad, though. I only sent this sweet uphill huck to flat once, and Eric was telling all about how he was three feet off my wheel. It was good. I thought I blew my shock when I landed.

Phil sucked on this jump:

On the plus side, Phil didn't suck at racing. In fact, he un-sucked at racing all the way to FOURTH PLACE!! Phil said he had a shitty run too, so I can't wait to see Phil really uncork.

Apparently at MSC races they only podium 3-deep. When we found out that Phil was one spot off the podium, we found the event organizer, Paul Rowney, who had us hunt down the 5th place guy and 4th and 5th place women to get permission to podium them without medals. We did, and phil got to be on the podium. Technically he was on the ground. Whatever.

Mr. Phil Wiering, your 3rd place Pro Gravity Tour dude.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

New Team Robot feature: That was the Tits Tuesdays

For a couple weeks now, I too have been looking forward to Metal Mondays, and when I show up Tuesday morning to no metal, those Tuesdays have been pretty rough. I even tried to post my own Metal Monday with Anal Cunt, but Patrick pointed out that Anal Cunt isn't metal, and that I suck.

For every week that Patrick forgets to post on Metal Mondays, I'll be bringing you "That was the Tits Tuesdays."

Because when Van Halen still had Dave, that was the tits: