"I'm slow, but I have a downhill bike and I want to look like I know how to ride it. If I just throw my bike around wildly it will look like I'm riding a really tough trail. I think I'm the first person to ever do this."
"Hey guys, check it out! I saw this move on every Matt Miles/Silvia video, every Steve Romanuik movie segment ever and on about 95% of the Coastal Crew edits."
"If I could do this in midair I would actually look cool."
In case you were wondering, the term "freeride flick" does not refer to a video about freeriding, unless you're the sort of d-bag that would refer to a film as a "flick." If you are that sort of d-bag, you have come to this website in error. This is a picture of Matt Miles performing a freeride flick. It is also largely indistinguishable from the photo above:
"My front and rear tires can't agree what direction we're supposed to be going."
Team robot race winning tactic #194: convince your competition that freeride flicking is the fastest way through a turn.
FACT: A little bit of Alex Rankin's soul dies every time someone does a Freeride flick.
Freeride flicks came into vogue around 2006, pioneered by Canadian freeriders who had to compete for movie spots with downhill racers that actually knew how to ride their bikes. By late 2007 Rankin's soul could not handle the abuse any longer, and he retired from filming the World Cup to rest and recuperate at his home in England. In 2009 the Coastal Crew formed. By early 2010 Alex Rankin was a full blown Ginger. His soul had been trampled and spat on, and ultimately it disappeared.
Alex Rankin, circa 2010. Over the past five years his soul was crushed and killed, and by 2009 he was a full blown ginger; a hollow shell of the once great filmmaker we all knew. RIP.
Two freehucker types, both on downhill bikes, both riding in and around Santa Cruz, CA.
Both riders are experiencing a recent Post Office diaspora (but only one of them had the nerve to actually say "Post Office RIP" in their video description), both are trying to look fast, and both of them aren't.
Both videos have over 40,000 views, and both videos have received almost universal praise. Until now.
Here are some other things both those videos have in common: both videos sucked and if I have to watch another freehucker trying to look fast on a downhill bike the ROBOT APOCALYPSE will begin immediately. You're not fast, and throwing your bike all over the place in a desperate attempt to show how much work you're doing does not impress me.
Wigglin'. The freehuckers solution to looking fast on film.
I can't tell whether all the excessive motion is either:
A) an authentic, honest, and unmodified outpouring of your limited bike skill, and this is actually what it looks like when you try to go fast, or
B) this is a blatant and cynical attempt to milk it for video, and by moving around erratically, squaring off turns, and throwing up dirt at every moment you're trying to convince the viewer that you're. Going. So. Fast.
Who knows? Maybe you protested over and over again to the corporate heads who demand you skid, freeride flick, and square off your way to millions of youtube views so they can line their pockets and light their cigars with the countless wads of cash that come flowing in every time they release another pander-to-the-masses freeride flick video. Maybe you said no so many times, maybe they were wearing you down and this is the one time you finally gave in to the corporate big wigs. Maybe the money was so big, or maybe your mom's in the hospital and things have been so tight lately, and you've started a family of your own and you're thinking of them now and maybe it was all too much and you couldn't keep saying no forever.
This is who I imagine at SRAM HQ calling the shots on small market video decisions.
Either way, my initial response is one of madness and pity.
Madness because the resultant riding that I have to suffer through in the name of quality web journalism pains not just my mind but also my soul. After every ISIS beheading or terrorist attack, journalists the world over are motivated by duty to watch these horrific videos through, start to finish. This is what it's like a ROBOT HQ every time a freehucker posts a go-fast-DH-bike video.
Pity because if someone had just taken these kids to a few races they might have learned something. I weep for the future, and I can only imagine with hope what would happen if more freehuckers went to races and learned to ride a bike. I think back to the time Geoff Gulevich showed up to a NW Cup in Port Angeles and got smoked in the sport category. I bet that was a learning experience for Geoff. [Editor's note: this Geoff Gulevich story is unconfirmed race lore. Readers, please contribute with any conflicting or supporting first-hand experience or knowledge).
I don't like Ben Furbee as a person and I wish him all the worst things in life, but I drove down to Sea Otter with him and we've been riding together, and he comes to mind as a fantastic cyclist and counterpoint to the freehuckers. His riding is actually boring to watch because he has such good bike control:
I also think of Sam Hill and Loic Bruni, who are both so dialed on a bike they almost never look like they're doing anything. Sam has been the darling of every dimly lit race fan for the last decade, but that's because he always goes inside on turns. Whether or not he looks like he's in complete control and whether or not his physical motions are measured and boring, if you go inside on loose turns the people will love you.
Sure his upper body was probably so relaxed in this turn that it looked more like a run to the corner store for milk than a pre-race World Cup practice run, but soft focus on the rider with his foot off and a foreground full of roost and BLAMMO! The sheeple eat it up.
Racing is good for you, and it's good for the sport. Please race your bike. Racing will teach you many, many useful lessons that will serve you and your riding for the rest of your life, but if it teaches you nothing else, it will teach you humility.
When you show up to the start gate after a long winter of freeride flicking your way to internet stardom, you will learn exactly how fast you aren't. I don't know who you are as you read this, but I already know you suck at riding a bike. You don't believe me or you think I'm just some arrogant prick, but please start racing so you can see that I'm right. Hey, guess what? I suck too, just ask anyone who reads this site or knows me personally.
Most working dads who show up to the NW Cup ride faster than either one of those goons from the freeride flick videos. Maybe after a thorough ass kicking at the races they'll learn to brake a little earlier, relax, and let their tires roll through the turn. It's called carrying speed. Try it some time, it's great.
Joey knows how to carry speed, and now he gets paid to fly around the world and live the dream. All thanks to racing.
In a related story, anecdotal and scientific evidence indicates that kids who participate in multiple sports during high school develop a broader and deeper athletic skill set than those students who choose to specialize in one sport. In other words, racing as a kid will lead to better freehucking. Here's an article which covers the scientific side of this story:
Don't like reading? Here's a quick graph from that article that captures the multisport demographics of Urban Meyers miraculous come-from-behind National Championship college football team that just about covers the anecdotal evidence:
Multiple sports as a kid = better.
Ask Brian Foster how racing affected his freehucking:
Or Mike Aitken. Or Andreu. Or Cam Zink. Or Martin Soderstrom. Or pretty much anyone who doesn't suck.
Anything that happens in the red zone is not a freeride flick, it's cornering. It could be good cornering, it could be bad cornering, it could be horrific cornering, it could be a scandiflick or a Voreis or a dust-pile photoshoot apex blowout, but it all lives under the tent we call cornering.
A freeride flick is, by definition, cornering without changing direction. It's the bike equivalent of a Subway Veggie Delite. Or a V6 Mustang. Or soaking.
Dylan Sherrard in Kamloops demonstrating how not to turn.
This doesn't even qualify as ETT. He's literally not turning, he's just stopping. Instead of taking his momentum and changing vectors, aka turning, he's taken all his momentum and plowed squarely into the top of this shitty made-for-photos dust-pile berm. This maneuver is less a form of turning, and is more akin to dumping the parachute on a drag car.
One of my favorite things about this photo is that you can tell no one even rides this berm. The whole face of the berm is pock-marked and has roots hanging out of it. Dollars to donuts, the only part of that berm that gets ridden by normal people (those not trying to shoot a bro-bra brownpow Dakine/Navajo Indian Quilt Collab photo) is the first 6 inches.
Possibility A: The turn is pretty much over after the stump, making this mother of all freeride-flicks the worst line ever. The smart money is to stay low where it's hard packed, and not get bogged down in the soft bullshit. If enough people ride this line, it will probably firm up and rut out, making it even faster. Another fun bonus: if the turn does end after the stump, whoever built this berm also sucks and did 10 times too much work.
Possibility B: Maybe I'm wrong, and this turn keeps going for another 90 degrees after the stump. Congratulations, this still qualifies as the worst line ever. He's going to be at a dead stop and then have 2/3 of the turn left. Also, if there's more turn than we can see in the photo, then the big tall berm is very necessary, and Mr. Sherrard just nuked the hot line for everyone else. Sweet.
Maybe that's just what you get when you build your trails out of a proprietary Kamloops-only blend of sawdust, flour, and pocket lint. We had moles at our trails that dug holes in the lips and landings, maybe in Kamloops you just have to deal with migratory freeriders that chainsaw your berms a couple times a season.
Freeriders hover near the top of the KILL LIST, not just for riding badly and doing Quazimodo "shoulder buzzers," but also for encouraging this sort of behavior. Whether it looks stupid or not, it *might* be cool for you to do this stuff on your own trails that you built, or maybe you're tight bros with the super chill homie who builds the berms you ruin, but that's not the case for 99% of the kids out there who grab Dad's Go-Pro and drive to someone else's spot so they can freeride flick their way to internet stardom.
That's what you get when you start your run with a freeride flick. That's the best I've got for you this afternoon.
As far as the Gwin run yesterday, what do you want me to say that hasn't already been said a thousand times on Pinkbike and Vital and Facebook and every other site you check while trying to avoid work?
"Unfathomable." "Incredible." "One of the greatest runs of all time." "Way, way, way faster than TEAM ROBOT."
All of these comments have been said a million times already in the great echo chamber that is the internet, and I have no value to add to this conversation.
The internet news cycle
That said, commenting on the echo chamber itself is where ROBOTS tend to excel, and I've really enjoyed all the fat, slow, lazy, and(or) bad riders who are so excited to suggest every downhill race be chainless from here on out. Even more than that, I enjoy the armchair engineers who think after Neko's and now Gwin's run that chainless is somehow faster.
No, the only moral of the story is what you already knew and didn't want to admit: Gwin is a complete savage, and will probably go down as the most dominant racer of all time. It's looking like another year of total Gwin domination. 1st, 2nd, and now 1st in Leopedalgang without a chain? Except for Lenzerheide, Gwin has won on all of the remaining tracks this year, some of them multiple times. If you're a fan of nail-biting race action, you might want to sit the rest of the season out, because this is looking a lot like 2011 and 2012 all over again.
Okay, if pressed to comment on the Gwin thing, I'd bring your attention to this now hilarious photo of Gwin's mechanic John chilling with a beer clearly not working on Gwin's bike or chain after quali's on Saturday:
I'm sure Nathan Hughes had no idea how funny this photo would be after Sunday's final. But it's, like, really funny now.
TEAM ROBOT is at Snowshoe this week, TRAINING. SO. HARD. for the Mountain Creek ProGRT. Due to ROBOT's level of focus (and also due to Snowshoe's total lack of cell service and wifi) not too many updates to come. Also Ben separated his AC joint yesterday riding the National track at Snowshoe, needs surgery, and is going to miss NJ and Angel Fire.
With a 6-8 healing time, pretty much he'll be back just in time to race the National track at Snowshoe.
In the meantime while I proceed to never update, here's what you all came here to see: random video gold from the corners of the internet, aka Galen Carter and Demetri TrianFlo-Rida dicking around at their home trails. Sure this video sucks, but if your choice is to watch some tank top canadians' horrible freeride flick videos on Pinkbike's "Movies for your Monday" or watch two first year/wet behind the ears pro downhillers ride better than you in Hawaiian shirts and train hard for midpack results, the choice is easy:
And a little free advice to D and Galen: I'm happy you're having fun but if you ever want to make it in downhill you need to forget about that fun thing and start eating salads and riding your road or XC bike all day. And remember: juicing is good all day, but smoothies are only for post-ride. There's a lot of calories hiding in smoothies. You think vanilla ice cream is what champions eat?
Here's a free link to some dieting tips for upcoming pro racers, courtesy of the ROBOT:
I watched half this video at school, scrolled down and read a crappy comment, and I was actually going to post the video to defend these guys, but... then I sat down at home and watched the rest of it up until 1:49. I turned that shit off and walked away.
I was really enjoying their little video (on mute of course, that music is God awful), remembering when I was a scrappy teenager and had a clapped out bike, and we went out into the woods with a Sony handy cam we borrowed from my friend's mom to make crappy videos, and all that nostalgic shit, but then at 1:49 I saw a tag-team skid-turn train and I dropped that shit like it was hot.
A public service announcement: if you freeride flick, I will turn your video off. That goes for you, too, Semenuk and Agassiz, you're not above this. In fact, there's a pretty good chance you two SUPER PRO Canuckistanians are the reason little kids are learning this awful behavior at all.
And make no mistake: free ride flicks are a gateway drug to other horrible behaviors, like being Canadian, talking about brown pow and soul, or using clique Instagram-esque filters on your videos.
When you do skid turns you probably think you look like this:
