Friday, October 29, 2010

Death machine/Unicron/trails

The Pentagon is currently sowing the seeds for the first Terminator movie. If you are warm-blooded, mortal, or have an aversion to flying bullets and metaldeath, this could be bad news for you:



Seriously, this is just step one. Here's the full article. Sure, it's touch screen controlled now, but full automation and human killing instincts are just around the corner. Hopefully.




On a lighter note, this next movie is the best thing you will ever see. It makes me want to travel back in time more than anything ever. It's 17 seconds of perfection. It is basically "happy" and "stoked" in a can.








And, for those who care, our trails are getting a major facelift. Everything is getting, how you say, big?

The bad news for everyone is that there will probably only be one line running this year, because we are putting a lot of work into the main line and none into the other ones.

The good news is that the main line is going to be amazing. No brake checks, no excess speed, lots of boost, and some very tall, very long gaps. Every lip and landing is going to be about twice as big. There will be six really, really, really cool jumps, and two really, really, really fun berms.

Tex, I hope you approve:






I hope you're all ready for some hangtime this summer. And yes, that lip will be getting steeper. A lot steeper.



Also, I have a Darth Vader t-shirt, which is cooler than whatever you're wearing right now.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

WARNING! from TEAM ROBOT

Your Team:






Our Team:










I found this nice little graphic online that I think sums it up:

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The poultrygeist/phone wars

I have literally no idea what this is, but I think I like it:








This, however, is the Turbo Encabulator:








And this is our new landing:







I was at my friend Andrew's house, minding my own business trying to post the poultrygeist video on TEAM ROBOT. For one hour I have to listen to a random girl, not a member of the house, speaking in a low murmur across the room.

Having this blog post already on my screen, it became a medium to communicate to Andrew how retarded this girl was. This is what I ended up typing:

"Whenever I talk to someone on the phone and it's not going to be quick, I go somewhere else. Listening to her stupid f$^&ing conversation is going to make me kill either me or her."

"Kill sequence engaged. Why the f%^$ is she talking in such an annoying low murmur? Does she know to be embarrassed about her retarded conversation, but she just doesn't have the good sense to leave? Holy crap."



Real quotes from the stupid conversation I have to listen to, obviously with her boyfriend. Please note that little/nothing was actually communicated:

"Just say something... so basically I have to wait a couple months?"

"What's it going to be... yeah... okay, but if you're going to be this way, I don't understand"

"Like what... so. let's not judge this by what you said. I don't understand."






Further aside to Andrew:

"P.S. she totally walked out exactly when I showed you the photo of the little girl crying on the phone."





Total elapsed time of conversation at time of me going to bed:

One hour, thirty five minutes.


Total elapsed time of me trying to fall asleep on couch, hearing conversation crystal clear through a wall:

Twenty five minutes.

College



Vegans suck/Robots and America rule/trebuchet







Thomas the seige engine. Get it?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Bacon=still amazing, snowboarders=still on notice

Bacon is pretty much the best thing to ever happen to food.
Bacon+hotdogs+cheeseburger=the besterest thing to ever happen to food.








I still hate snowboarding for various good reasons. I hate snowboarders:




But this video is going a long way to bridge that divide. Enjoy PHLAT!



But just remember snowboarding, you are still on the TEAM ROBOT kill list. The do not kill list continues to be very, very short.



Do not kill list, you know who you are:

Monday, October 18, 2010

500th post/snake robots/Metal Monday/more to waste your time

Being that this is the 500th post for TEAMROBOTKILLSYOURFACE.com, I thought I'd give some simple math to explain the significance of this event:

TEAM ROBOT+500=way better than your team



Here's some genuine robot related fear for you weak humans:



That's right humans, ROBOT snakes. Your days are numbered.




PLAY THIS NOW, then scroll down:





Then play this after muting it, with Slayer at full blast:




Then this (you'd better be playing Slayer):





Now play this after muting the BBC narrator:





Now this:




You're welcome.



This is also pretty rad:




*ucking in the great white north:

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Digging at the trails



Andrew and I have been digging at the trails with machetes and our minds.



Force power!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Sprung 4/hucking



Aside from the fact that those guys were absolutely pinning it on horrible bikes, Nigel page is rad, and the Houseman brothers look way chill, can we all agree that Alex Rankin pretty much wins at making videos?

Clay Porter, "the collective," Anthill films, Bjorn Enga, let's review:

-one, maybe two slow mo shots
-No screaming music/no bro music
-minimum sunrise/sunset/panning clouds shots
-interviews=10 seconds or less
-nothing soulful, chill, or brotastic to be found; just fast bike riding, shit talking, and loud, drunk people

Technically perfect, and that was ten years ago. What's so hard to figure out?




Hucking, freeriding, slopestyle, whatever you want to call it, pretty much the lamest thing ever, 90% of the time.

This, however, is not lame:

Wrist slitting/emo kids/lubrication

I go to a liberal arts college, so I probably should have seen this coming.


Aside from all the typical things written on bathroom walls, last week I walked into the library bathroom and read this up on the side of the stall:

"I would slit my own wrists just to make sure the gates of heaven wouldn't creak as you walk through."


No one came through with the encouragement that this kid was clearly looking for, but today someone finally came through with a quasi-witty rebuttal:

"Two things I hate: emo kids and creaky gates. This might help solve both problems."


I wanted to be helpful, so I added this to the discussion:

"Studies have shown blood to perform ineffectively as a lubricant in metal joints and hinges."

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Photo update

So first of all, no apologies for not posting in a while. A long while. It's been sunny out, and summer has been rad. Here's a little graph to explain my non posting:



Basically, once winter, 4 o'clock sunsets, and severe depression roll in, you can expect TEAM ROBOT to be fully awesome once again.



Speaking of awesome:







In other news, the 2010 race season is a wrap, and I'm pretty pumped on how it ended. I got 3rd place for the season in the Fluidride cup, and 2nd place on the day.


Ultimate shuttle vehicle #1:





Ultimate shuttle vehicle #2






Krunkshox getting his prerace gameface on at Camp Freedom/Outpost Freedom/Forward Command Post Alpha/Patriot Outpost:




The Patriot Outpost:



Actual photos of bike riding:











It was a rad day. Normally I don't geek out on times, but check them out. Mikey tomahawked himself into a tree on Friday, thought he broke his wrist, and it looked like he wanted to cry. He had his wirst taped and iced all weekend. He did two and a half practice runs before Sunday, and then when race time rolled around, his chain fell off halfway down. And he still beat us me by five seconds. I was also pumped because I got second place by 6 seconds.




The trails are finally getting some love again. Last season I was so focused on racing that I didn't bother with the trails. But this year will be different. This spring, there will be jams. These trails will be happy again.







They look ridiculously sad and overgrown:




stop.



hammertime.






On it's face, this next photo appears to be another foreign, commie-looking person getting way too serious about their affinity for cycling. But this photo is one you'll want to bring up to full size to really appreciate



That's right, this guy rides for a company called Vag bikes.






Danza, Bundy, and Ross. Dialed.







Chaz, out.