Saturday, March 31, 2012

This sucks

BEST WHIP & T-DOWN EDGAR TORRONTERAS MASTERS OF DIRT 2011 from edgar torronteras on Vimeo.

Obviously the music sucks, and the SUPER BIG TIME freestyle moto, cool guy attitude sucks too, but what's totally, completely, awesomely sucky is the whips they're doing. I know what you're going to say, and yeah, at first I thought it was pretty impressive. I know, they're waaaaaaay more sideways then I'll ever be. But in the process of showing off how sideways and upside-down they are, they feel the need to contort and throw their upper bodies around in what appears to be a seizure-induced fit.

I don't have any actual tricks to speak of, and I can't even do tabletops, so when it comes time to floss the whip on some jumps, I've only got five go-to moves. I try to alternate between these as I go through jumps, and I even try to do combo moves on bigger jump:

1. An actual whip. I'm not very good at these, and even if I was you don't want to do the same whip on every jump for every run down A-Line. Sure it's the most legit of my five tricks, but it's also the most boring. That's what led me to develop the next four skills...

2. The E.T. It's a classic. Pedal your brains out in mid air. You'll look like a goon, guaranteed.

3. The jammin salmon. Stick out those elbows and knees, and then shake your bike violently, 4-5 times back and forth.

4. The bar hump. The key to any good bar hump is looking back. If you bar hump but you're still looking straight ahead, you're doing it wrong. Just imagine your stem is Jessica Alba and the sky is a ceiling mirror, and you're well on your way.

5. The head whip. Otherwise known as "the pinkbike whip" or "the Mike Hopkins Titec ad circa '06." This is when some beginning rider posts a photo of themselves doing a "sick whip," but their bike is pointed dead straight. The only thing that makes it appear whipped is that they've thrown their bodies all around, and violently whipped their heads back and to the side. Bonus points if you sprain your neck or induce a crash from head-whipping, but it obviously doesn't count if your bike pivots, turns, or whips in the process. Adam Ransavage is amazing at head whips.

And the head-whip is exactly what those moto guys are doing in the video. It looks like they're trying to dance like Elaine Benes in the middle of their whips:


S. Pete said... ET is not even a trick. Even my Grandma says- it isn't a trick.
A better cheap'0 trick for downhillers is to do a "Time check", AKA - a one handed air, where you look at your wristwatch to check the time. lol.

And 1st race, 1st win? W0W Chazz! You win anymore races this year and were gonna have to check your urine, to see if you are "juicing"

Anonymous said...

Being the negative nancy that I am I like to point out the negatives:
1. Chazz, stick to what you know, whips are whips. Have you ever even put your leg over a dirt bike let alone jumped one enough to know what it would take to whip a dirt bike like that? Not that the moto cool guy attitude is cool, but seriously.
2. I heard the competetion was stiff at beacon, hell pro racer kyle thomas didn't even compete.