Friday, January 18, 2013

Decisions

One of these guys was "married with kids," the other one was "single with toys."




One gave us this:




The other gave us this:






Whatever, they're both still better than our current American Cycling hero, right?


ALL I CARE ABOUT IS GETTING SO MUCH MONEY!!! I HATE EVERYONE ELSE AND WILL CRUSH THEM TO GET WHAT I WANT!!! THIS IS A TOTALLY ACCURATE DEPICTION OF WHY I LEFT TREK AND WHAT I'M ABOUT AS A PERSON!!!!!





The real lesson here is that 90's hip hop wasn't as good as we all want to remember.



The thing that's funny about the internet is that people in the comments sections of every mountain bike site in the world were acting like they felt bad for Trek in this deal, A) as if Trek is a person, and B) as if Trek's missing out on sooooo much now that they don't have the top downhill guy.

You're right, all of Trek's 2013 numbers are shot now that they don't have Gwin. How will they survive? After Gwin jumped ship, Trek's scraping by with only a half-full roster: Brook MacDonald, Neko Mulally, Andy and Frank Schleck, Fabien Cancellara, Rene Wildhaber, Jeremy Horgan-Kobelski, Emily Batty, Brandon Semenuk, Brett Rheeder, Cam McCaul, and Ryan Howard. Where are the stars? Where's the personality? How do you market riders like that? There's a very real possibility Trek goes bankrupt this year. Thanks for nothing, Aaron.

"No man, it's not about the money. It's about honor, and Gwin doesn't have any after that raw deal with Trek" said every forum warrior ever.

Sorry, I guess I was looking at it from the wrong lens. So you want to paint Gwin as a money grabbing, win-at-all costs jerk who's willing to burn relationships and take advantage of others in his unquenchable thirst for fame and prestige? And you're pissed because now he doesn't ride for Trek?



NBD dude, Trek already has a rider like that flying their flag:


4 comments:

Ben Furbee said...

TWR isn't Trek...Trek is just a title sponsor. Get your facts clear before you take one of the most precise and well written news blogs of all time and turn it into shit where the main editor just publishes metal youtube videos and pictures/videos of people eating it onto their faces.

I mean, this blog is basically the Huffington post for bikers. Raw and in your face.

It would really suck if the main editor stopped writing such amazing pieces of word art and just made stuff up for our enjoyment. So don't do that ok?

I have too much time on my hands.

TEAM.ROBOT said...

Ben, I understand why you feel that way. I recognize that Gwin no longer rides for TWR, but that also means he no longer rides for Trek. I chose to focus on Trek over TWR in my article for two reasons:

1. Clearcut (and sometimes over-simplified) similarities and contrasts make for better comedy. Lance and Aaron both rode for Trek, but one of them is a gigantic prick and the other one is actually a pretty cool guy. That's funny. Using TWR as the supposed victim of Gwin's supposed meanness doesn't allow me to make that joke.

2. Lots of people feel bad for Trek the company, in the abstract, because they associate warm fuzzy feelings with the company. This allows me to make jokes where I make fun of this ridiculous, nostalgic impulse. When people think TWR, all they think about is Whiteley, and no one feels warm fuzzies for Whiteley, and no one feels bad for TWR. Even Whiteley's mom, Susan Whiteley is like, "Yeah, tough luck Martin."

bobby said...

it should be noted that according to our Government, Trek, a corporation, is a person, and thus has feelings. DUH.

One Ghost Industries said...

Truk sucks, Special Ed sucks, corporate bike companies suck, sell outs suck, 650b wheels suck.

Team Robot for president. I for one welcome my new robot overlord masters