Friday, February 1, 2013

Jerome Clementz

Is Jerome Clementz fast because he's not a pussy, or is he not a pussy because he knows he's fast? Mind you he doesn't look that fast and nothing he does in this video is cool looking, but he consistently murders our guys at Enduro events and could tear your legs off on any ride, anywhere, blindfolded, while smoking.

Jérôme Clémentz - 12 MONTHS 12 STORIES - EP1 - 1 month 2 seasons on Pinkbike

When it snows here most of us snuggle up with a book and a blanket by the fireplace, sipping a Spanish coffee and trying to convince ourselves that everyone's taking a little down time this winter, too. Jerome Clementz just rides straight through the snow and pedals around in a skin tight jumpsuit and moon boots like a boss. Then instead of sipping a Spanish coffee at his personal pity party, he just goes to Spain and rides downhill bikes.

Wait, Cannondale's making a downhill bike again?

Oh, it's just a Jeckyl with a longer fork on it. False alarm.

This is supposed to be a monthly video for the next 12 months. Prediction: no way on earth all 12 videos get made. If they do, no way on earth they all make front page of pinkbike. If they do, no way on earth anyone watches them after, ohhh, maybe month four. Yes, I failed to live up to a 12 month commitment once, so now no one gets to. I am emotionally invested in seeing this video series fail.

"South of Spain."

I think this makes a lot more sense in some other language, because I keep seeing this term show up in Euro movies and magazine articles. This is clearly a poor bastardization of the the noun/adjective relationship in the original language, and I appreciate that "South of Spain" is how it gets [poorly] translated to English, but here's a quick guide: if the word "South" made it into your description, then you're speaking American. If you're choosing to speak American, I'd appreciate if you could speak it like you don't burn flags and spit on bald eagles.

Even worse, I don't know how many times someone's come back from their two week trip to France, Spain, etc and they refer to their trip to "South of France." Like, now that they've gone wine tasting in Basque country and heard a French girl say "it happens to lots of guys," they're basically locs. I'm glad you had a nice time in Europe, stereotypical West Coast friend/acquaintence who wants to impress me with your cosmopolitan ways, but you're back in America now and literally no one here cares about your trip.

Here in America, we're trying to deal with our own shit and we don't have time for you to walk us through how culturally sensitive you are now that you can spell "pissaladière" and know "how the Italians really drink coffee."

Just to be clear, this is what an anglophone thinks when you tell us you went to "South of Spain:":

That, and I was positive they were going to make out at the end of the video. It got real weird for a bit.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Where do you find these hilarious pictures?