Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Mountain biking

Morgan Taylor is once again trying to appropriate the wisdom of "the hardmen and minimalists" so he can synthesize it and spoon feed it to the average Joe, or in this case his girlfriend and slow old people. This time he's trying to convince everyone who still has a front derailleur that they'll totally be happier without it:






Someone needs to tell Morgan that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Anyone who's still running a front derailleur is either:

  1. A grainy old XC dude who legitimately needs more gears for his casual 100 mile rides.
  2. Someone who sucks at going downhill and(or) thinks he's going "as fast as you can go."
  3. So stuck in his rut that he religiously buys Miller Lite over Coors Light because he honestly believes "it has a smoother finish."
  4. All three of the above people in one being; the "unholy trinity" if you will. You might know this person as "Your uncle," "that one guy that always comes into the shop," or "Tinker Juarez."



None of those 4 types of people could possibly give a shit about Morgan Taylor's gear-inch calculations





But first a little background into where little ROBOTs come from. I started riding because of this:






Then I started doing this:






Now I also do a lot of this:







Between dirt jumping and downhill, front derailleurs were never an option. Around 2012 when I was building up my first trail bike I called Lars Sternberg and asked if I'd be happy with a front derailleur. He said "No," and I haven't run a front derailleur since. When I meet people who still choose to run a front derailleur this is what I think about:











And when I hear people like Morgan Taylor talk about 28 tooth single rings this is what I think about:






And another thing. If you're running any of these setups:
  • A 28-32 tooth chainring
  • A 10-42 cassette with anything less than a 38 tooth front cog
  • Any sort of "one-up" 40 or 42 tooth cassette abomination
Nothing you do can ever be referred to as "grinding" "pushing" or "turning over a hard gear." It's called "pedaling."




If somebody still knowingly chooses to run a front derailleur, your little graphs and calculations aren't going to change their mind, Morgan. That's like trying to bring actual medical research into a discussion about gluten. Ain't nobody got time for that shit.


22 comments:

Morgan Taylor said...

As the only semi-pro at the Whistler EWS who didn't have a new Fox 36 and an 11-speed cogset, I can see why you're mad about this.

Ryan said...

28t ring sounds awesome. Thanks for the suggestion.

Anonymous said...

Running a 28 tooth front ring is much more embarrassing than a front derailleur. What better way to advertise that going fast is not a priority for you?

Anonymous said...

I'll be sure to worry about those things when I'm out in the woods by myself, I look down and suddenly realize - "Oh fuck, a 28t ring... what if someone sees me!?! I'm going to have to care what they think!"

Anonymous said...

your first trail bike in 2012...that's cute.

Anonymous said...

"And another thing. If you're running any of these setups:
A 28-32 tooth chainring
A 10-42 cassette with anything less than a 38 tooth front cog
Any sort of "one-up" 40 or 42 tooth cassette abomination
Nothing you do can ever be referred to as "grinding" "pushing" or "turning over a hard gear." It's called "pedaling.""

Yeah, cause grade doesn't count, right?

This is some bandwagon bullshit.

Colin M said...

gear nerds versus dick wavers. Fight to the death!

Anonymous said...

LOL first trail bike in 2012.

Biggest ride ever for the Robot is 25 blocks across town for a slurpee.

You got zero authority on the subject chump.

Jungle said...

Nothing wrong with 28t rings unless you like to go above 20MPH , 28t rings are for going UP hills not down..

Desont matter if your rear cassette has 1 less tooth on the final cog than others , you will spin out all the fucking time

Anonymous said...

LOVE MY 2X10! (I'm slow)

kidwoo said...

Dear god, the comments on that nsmb bit.

Has BC just become an entire province of people all yelling 'harden the fuck up' to each other?

There's nothing funnier than a bunch of dudes calling each other out on hardness. There needs to be a contest. Just don't share any pictures afterwards. Like Tim Horton's, just keep that shit to yourself.

News Flash said...

Tinker Juarez is a goddamn American hero. Nobody else can make dreadlocks, triples, and bow legged tables look as good.

http://www.kingoftheskateparks.com/wp-content/uploads/BMX-Action-Tinker-Juarez-T-Top-April-1980.jpg

Pratt said...

28t is not a mild htfu, it comes with a fucking tampon for fucks sake. until shimano releases their 1x11 kill yourself, and your 28t cankles.

corytepper said...

I love slurpees!

Not a BC knowitall said...

One chainring, one direction on the hill.

Joseph said...

Amen!

dirt boog said...

Damn, pissed off the Canadians, eh?

If Canucks say 28t, they actually have a 22t (yes a *ucking granny) if you apply the North Shore conversion factor....

36 X 11-36, all day long...

A 28X10 spins out around 22 mph you bunch of long haired sallies!

Max said...

I remember you complaining about wanting a smaller ring on the Whistler EWS Enduro God Appeasing Deathmarch 2014?

Tristan Mayor said...

So are front mechs cool or not?
I couldn't really understand any of that and I need to make sure I don't embarrass myself on the trail

DrFuckMouth said...

This post is even funnier because a frog with a double took 5+ minutes out of you at the last round of the EWS.

Verskis said...

I just put the front derailleur back after some five years of having only one front ring. Once my shitty Sram 10-speed derailleur will disintegrate, I'll go back to 9-speed (with a cable modded Shadow Plus derailleur, the clutch derailleurs are too good not to use)! How embarrassing is that, a 26" bike with an ancient 2x9 drivetrain?

sdf said...

hah 28tooth is for pussies. i run a 30 tooth. :|