Monday, February 23, 2015

This sucks


Pavers. Here's my theory:

Most people don't actually like riding pavers. It's clearly worse, dirt is clearly better, and given a back to back comparison even the lowest members of the human species would conclude that pavers on trails are a torture device straight from the seventh circle of hell.

I think there are exactly three people on the entire planet who actually like pavers, but they are prodigious advocates of belief system, traveling far and wide to share pavers with land managers everywhere. In the absence of good trail builders doing likewise, these missionaries of misery have been able to fill this information vacuum, spreading pavers to the ends of the earth, from Sandy Ridge to Colonnade to Mammoth Mountain to the Azores Islands in the picture above.

I firmly believe there are only three agents of the paver movement, but in truth I don't pretend to know what motivates these three people. Perhaps it's a genuine love of paver berms, but alternatively it could be a one-dimensional power trip and pavers are merely the instrument to consolidate power. Traveling the world to exercise their will on unsuspecting trail users quells the urge they've always had but never satisfied.



Maybe it's a small masochistic group installing pavers for their own use, to self-punish as an act of contrition.


If pressed, I'd wager that the paver advocates are part of some fringe religious group seeking to punish the sins of mankind, and in their search for a widespread system of pain and suffering as reckoning for our sins they talked to the people who invented speed bumps and highway on-ramp signals. Those ideas were already taken, of course, so they settled on pavers as their modus operandi.


This desecration comes to us from Steamboat Springs, Colorado from people who should know better.

35 comments:

Derp said...

I'd let it slide (almost) if the berms were steep and not made to look like something you'd find in skier cross.

Anonymous said...

can Team-Robot please come to Boulder, CO and re-program the idiots?

The Jerk Store said...

Fair enough. Not that you were making comparisons over what's worse, but I'd take pavers in a sweet berm over an elevated skinny ladder bridge any day.

Anonymous said...

I think berms are the problem in general (pavered or not). It's easier to build a flat turn and more fun/challenging to ride.

Anonymous said...

The best way to not have berms is to NEVER have volunteer work parties.

I bet if you took all the pavers out of A Line and let the breaking bumps develop people would complain.

Of course the solution is to convince people to not skid in the berms and cause the braking bumps, but good luck on that endeavor.

Blister and Callous'es said...

Here is my theory. The pavers in the first picture were there before the bikers. If so, I can't believe they ruined your trail like that. Not sure, just a theory, I'd have to validate.

What is know however, is that pavers are used because some people would rather project on a stupid blog, than actually pick up a shovel and maintain the berms even an inconsequential fraction of the time they spend riding them, let alone bitching about how someone ruined a trail that is not local to them, and one they will never lift a finger maintaining. So Fuck You, from everyone who was doing trail maintenance this past weekend.

Anonymous said...

maybe it's this guy. he is training for the city downhill world tour after all

http://www.pinkbike.com/news/slavik-and-polc-are-getting-ready-for-cdtw-video-2015.html

Wutang said...

I, as well as every racer on the planet, would rather have a flat turn with a rut than a skier berm all day. These pavers and flat berms are the result of skiers and freehuckers deciding on what makes for good bike trails. You know, those who stand up and ride their brakes in turns. Berms should be no higher than a foot and be nearly vertical. Everything else is futile.

Coach Peete said...

Chazz, you need to cut back on the Juicebud bro, that shit has got you all paranoid and full of conspiracy theories.
That first pic is in the Azores dude - The fucking AZORES!! They probably see about 5 mountain bikes a year, and guaranteed nobody built that for trail for riding bikes - any more than the cobble stone streets in Italy were made for mopeds.

And who cares if they want to put cinder blocks in for erosion control or what ever. Ride it like a PRO dude. Why do you think they have all these urban downhill races nowadays? Cuz they all suck at riding?
Won't be long before that Juicebud has got you hiding under the bed, cuz your seeing Chupacabras and UFOs

You're from the burbs yo... said...

Thank Allah racers don't take the time to do any trail design or trail work for that matter. NO ONE cares that you fucking race!!! Good for you, I'm going to go build some berms, drink some beers, and then ride the shit out of them and win at having more fun than you!!! The real threat to mountain bike fun is bitch ass racers.

Anonymous said...

Fact: Where I ride (Western North Carolina) the berms are usually the slower line. So, if you like berms, you are slow. Logic!

Anonymous said...

Could we line those berms with solar powered LED driveway lights? I'm surprised we haven't seen them at Sandy yet.

redneck4diversity said...

You are in the Carolinas, south of the Mason-Dixon line, and therefor are incapable of using logic. Geography!

Derp said...

"Thank Allah racers don't take the time to do any trail design or trail work for that matter. NO ONE cares that you fucking race!!! Good for you, I'm going to go build some berms, drink some beers, and then ride the shit out of them and win at having more fun than you!!! The real threat to mountain bike fun is bitch ass racers."

^ hucker

Ben Furbee said...

In defense of Chuck. He shovels quite often, as do I. The ratio between riding and digging is negligible if you want the trail to develop natural ruts from riding. The only reason to put a shovel to dirt in all honesty is to get it going. The rest us up to people riding it and letting it happen. Somewhere along the way the sustainability population has lost the significance of an all natural trail. Seeing what happens thru natural selection is really fun on a trail. Seeing what lines people take. The natural course of a trail over time will settle in and everyone is usually stoked. Its only when people try and hinder the natural course of a trail we wind up creating problems.

These are just opinions of course...not fact.

Ben Furbee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tisly said...

Sounds a little cop-out-ish. The most "natural" flow within a trail will tend to approach fall-line, (and cause braking bumps which is why you build berms- to change acceleration, you don't have to change your speed, just change your direction......nevermind Charlie I don't want to explain, you won't understand anyways. Just know this: you don't "feel" speed, you "feel" acceleration, and that's why berms are rad. Fact. Que inferiority/ superiority responses.

Math Nerd said...

Ben, I think what you meant to say was "the ratio of digging to riding is negligible iff...." You should stop hanging out with Chuck, his "too stupid to realize you are dumb" insular bravado seems to be rubbing off a bit.

Ben Furbee said...

I'm happy to be this dumb. How else are you going to be right?

Ben Furbee said...

I'm happy to be this dumb. How else are you going to be right?

Math Nerd said...

by being superlatively surjective in my analysis.

CQR said...

Chazz is not paranoid. I had to race this abortion of a trail in Australia last year. https://www.facebook.com/YYMBI/photos/pb.159911500720677.-2207520000.1424855294./845670835478070/?type=3&theater
As for volunteering for some trail work, it used to be worthwhile when people were interested in building trails. People only want to build footpaths now. Build good trails, keep them quiet. IMBA sucks.

Traildouche said...

Maybe if you didn't drink so many beers you would be sober enough to realize your trails suck old gray haired balls, the only thing you win at is being a douche.

You're from the burbs yo said...

"Maybe if you didn't drink so many beers you would be sober enough to realize your trails suck old gray haired balls, the only thing you win at is being a douche."

^ Racer

splooge said...

"Maybe if you didn't drink so many beers you would be sober enough to realize your trails suck old gray haired balls, the only thing you win at is being a douche."

^ Racer"

Probably. But giant berms are still lame and you're still being a punter douche defending them.

You're from the burbs yo said...

You're an idiot with shitty reading comprehension for saying that the the theme of my posts has been to defend giant berms. I bet you're the type that gives all riders a bad name when you open your mouth in public and display your woeful ignorance. How's that for assumptions?

splooge said...

"Thank Allah racers don't take the time to do any trail design or trail work for that matter. NO ONE cares that you fucking race!!! Good for you, I'm going to go build some berms, drink some beers, and then ride the shit out of them and win at having more fun than you!!! The real threat to mountain bike fun is bitch ass racers."

And later...

"You're an idiot with shitty reading comprehension for saying that the the theme of my posts has been to defend giant berms. I bet you're the type that gives all riders a bad name when you open your mouth in public and display your woeful ignorance. How's that for assumptions?"

Sorry, I'm not a good judge of what makes a quality assumption, just like you're not a good judge of what makes a quality trail.

Glad you're so good at knowing how to have fun, though. Definitely something to gloat over when stickin' it to those no-fun-having bike racers.

Anonymous You're from the burbs yo said...

Missed again, but thanks for validating.

Better luck next time. Too bad we couldn't have Strava'd this huh?

splooge said...

You use Strava?

burbs said...

Of course not. Get it?

splooge said...

Maybe it would help if you used 3 exclamation points after the important statements, that seemed to work before. Type like you ride, balls out!!! So-much-fun!!! Right brah?

Burbs said...

No it didn't, see above, and that sounds dangerous.

Burbs said...

None of these berms looked like fun, obviously being shoveled and all:

http://www.vitalmtb.com/videos/features/ONE-LAP-Lars-Sternberg-Luke-Strobel-Xanadu,28310/iceman2058,94

But what would these clowns know?

splooge said...

Burbs, do you mountain bike with your dog?

Burbs said...

don't own one. Don't like to.