Monday, July 13, 2015

It's in the Geneva convention


If I see you at the races with ankle socks on, I'm going to make fun of you, preferably to your face. Don't take it personally, it's for your own good. There have been lots of theories posited, but in truth I don't really know why we all wear tall black socks. Maybe it's to keep duff out of your socks. Maybe it's to protect your lower legs from abrasion. Maybe it's doubling as SPF cotton. Whatever, you just do it.

Lucas Chalcraft: call out


Adam Ransavage: call out


Stevie Smith: call out

Steve Smith is the biggest offender. There's a "with great power... blah blah blah great responsibility" thing going on here, but more importantly, history has shown his ankles need all the protection they can get. 


Really, they don't even have to be black. You can be wearing the shittiest rasta colored pot leaf jah man socks and I'm not going to say anything. Yeah, they suck and you do too, but you expressed yourself within the confines of polite society, so we're cool. You think that your "beer" socks are both original and hilarious? Fine, as long as they're a 4-inch cut or greater. I don't need to punish you with my words anyway, I'm sure your personality is punishment enough. There are so many bad, horrible, not funny or cute socks out there, perhaps an infinite variety of unfunny socks that boring people wear as a substitute for humor or personality, and while a part of me dies every time I see someone wearing them, as long as they're not ankle socks, I can deal. It's sort of like the way your parents look at you: yeah, they don't agree with your lifestyle, choices, or girlfriends/wife, you're borderline embarrassing when the neighbors ask, and they can barely keep it civil when you come home for dinner, but hey! You've got a job and you don't ask for money very often, so that's a win, right? They couldn't have screwed up that bad.

And if you say something stupid about how you don't care about fashion or how I'm being superficial, but you're at a bike race and you still have a visor on your full face, you're an idiot and I hate you.

Now on the other hand if you're running full bullet head you can say whatever you want about stupid bike fashion- no argument here, you've earned that right.

Either way, you can wear ankle socks or you can wear a visor, but you can't do both. 


52 comments:

Anonymous said...

first comment

Anonymous said...

^this guy wears ankle socks and spd sandals

Anonymous said...

You're talking about fucking socks you cunt, get a fucking grip on yourself.
I'm going wear ankle socks every time I ride if it annoys sand packed vaginas like you!!!

Anonymous said...

Visorless rules, agreed. Everybody else is an a hole.

Nothing is worse than those new Azonic DH knickers I saw some tall guy wearing at a race last weekend.

Anonymous said...

What about that 'DISSENT' sock craze a few years ago? That was pretty fucknig horrible too.

Anonymous said...

Are you supposed to tuck your shirt into your pants or leave it loose? I've never known which kids are the 'cool kids' at races, the tuckies or the flappers. I tuck half of mine in just in case.

Anonymous said...

I've realized that I wear TLD bike shorts over chamois roadie bike shorts... really only to get a few pockets. If I'm not constrained by UCI downhill rules, why don't I just wear the lycra? Wouldn't that be more enduro-ready? Please respond with cogent argument

Anonymous said...

Visors are dangerous and the UCI should rethink their policy concerning them. If one of those visors was to catch on something during an accident, a rider could sustain serious injury.

Derp said...

never take fashion advice from a mountain biker. But, in this case, 100% correct.

Anonymous said...

You can thank Lance Armstrong for the tall black socks.

ShredWhite said...

You can thank everyone from Queensland for tall black socks.

As it happens, Canadians love ankle socks. All the heroes in Whistler not still wearing the DISSENT 'handed out for free at Crankworx a few years ago' socks are wearing little white ankle ones. Delightful.

Anonymous said...

If you care about what people wear, get fucked. no one should care about what other people are wearing while biking. ever. sometimes you're kind of clever, but sometimes your an idiot. this is idiot time.

splooge said...

^ wears white ankle socks under his Vans, has a leg tattoo.

Anonymous said...

^ this guy wears hiking boots and puts Roach pads on his bike

splooge said...

^ you're right. Hiking boots, not Vans.

Anonymous said...

This post gave me cancer

Anonymous said...

Finally a post about one of the REAL problems out there

Verskis said...

I wear ankle socks under my ankle guards, does that count?

Verskis said...

^ And the ankle guards look like thick tall black wool socks

Anonymous said...

I prefer Cankle socks myself

Verskis said...

But honestly, don't you people think that tall socks and shorts look pretty dorky when worn together?

Anonymous said...

I blame the 1993 Michigan Wolverines basketball team, aka, the Fab Five: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fab_Five_(University_of_Michigan)

I've been wearing black socks since.

Anonymous said...

@Verskis

No.

The only sport where ankle socks are permitted is track & field.

DrFuckmouth said...

Why do I wear tall black socks when I know they make me look like a socal douche? I guess I like looking douchey. This made me realize I need to watch inside socal again.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BluTtvG32Iw

Anonymous said...

Some wear unfunny socks as a substitute for their personality, you make "edgy" posts on here to get attention as a substitute for you racing career.

Punk Kid from Pinkbike said...

I'm sure everybody appreciated your insightful sock rage lecture

Lance Fanboy/ Dominic Toretto said...

whoever mentioned Big Tex up there was spot on, accept please refer to him not as "Lance Armstrong"
He's "Seven time Tour De France Champion, Lance Armstrong," and is the best cyclist of our generation.

And brought tall black socks to mainstream cycling.


Seven times

tender loins said...

I feel all weird if my ankles are showing. It's like even though I'm riding and looking ahead, I know I still look like a fucking weirdo. Luckily it's only happened once or twice on laundry day. I don't wear ankle socks unless I'm wearing jeans with the cuffs slightly rolled, which does happen a bit because I am hip. Honestly, if you don't have the right socks for the job, you should forgo shoes altogether and wear thongs. That's flip flops for you yankee cunts. (G-strings are totally optional).

Dirty Burrito said...

^^this guy shaves his sack more often than his face. But I do agree G-strings can be optional.

Anonymous said...

we call it short bus helmet, not bullet head. IE "dude's riding short bus style"

Anonymous said...

Ankle socks till death you maggots.

Anonymous said...

My favorite is the "responsibility" quote. The "blah blah blah" is a replacement for one word. Nice job Chuck.

Anonymous said...

viva le skinsuit!!!!

Anonymous said...

the new issac walen video just dropped. youre lucky hes not a racer

http://www.pinkbike.com/video/415530/

Anonymous said...

thirty something comments regarding sock length. the internets is serious business

Anonymous said...

I love me a big black sock.

Wutang said...

I have Wutang socks. I just won the internet.

Anonymous said...

that video is crap on a crap cracker

Anonymous said...

It's still ok to wear them on road bike rides so no need to throw the short socks away. I like ti combine them with super short roadie shorts on hot days for complete comfort and cooling, especially with a heavy layer of chamois cream spread evenly on tHe undercarriage of the human body, approximately 1mm thick for long rides. On the road nobody cares about socks it's all about cadence. Hold your line, hold the wheel, hold the gear, things new to mountain bikers but old news to new age mountain bikes
Eventually the short socks will make a comeback they are too cool figuratively and literally. What will you say then? Will you wear them with your short pants?

Anonymous said...

the last time i wore ankle socks i found two ticks on my ankles.

therefore ankle socks = LYME DISEASE

Adam Ransavage said...

This is my official response to the call out. I figure it's appropriate if we're both using pictures that are over 5 years old.

Anonymous said...

So everyone seems to be loving the new those new Felt bikes...

Anonymous said...

What's duff?
-guy from socal

tender loins said...

This guy is a girl. But I shave a mean scrotum.

Anonymous said...

Dood, you're fucking riding bikes in the woods with a bunch of dorks! Who are you even trying to impress? In my mind, the ENTIRE point of fashion, is to impress people you want to fuck. I can say with certainty, that I have no interest in dorky mtbruhs or manly mtbitches.
I'll wear whatever socks I want in the woods, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Woo Hoo - made team robot. Surprised I was not getting the call out for the neon gloves google combo going on, but I will take ankle socks if that's my 15 mins. Very funny, I will never look at my sock drawer the same anyways.

However - I am going to write these guys about a DH Helmet for their next model -think it will mix in nicely. Maybe it can flash when in the air, or just explode if you get passed.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/819484536/lumos-a-next-generation-bicycle-helmet

Jizz Master Bait Farmer said...

What happens when all of Team Robots tall socks are to crusty from long solo nights in the van? Do you deal with the crusty Jizz for the sake of fashion or wear your last clean pair of roadie socks?

Anonymous said...

^ Agreed 100%

Anonymous said...

Cock smokers.

Anonymous said...

50th comment!!!

Anonymous said...

This needs to happen.

http://imgur.com/aA7gH56

Anonymous said...

I wore some of my ankle socks once on a ride. It was the last time. I had so much shit in my socks after that ride, it was to be understood why long socks are better when riding.