Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Perspective

This is just a reminder to all humans on mountain bikes that what we do is, in the cosmic sense, really really easy. Mountain bikes have big travel, big tires, big wheels, big brakes, big top tubes, slack head angles, and good suspension. In other words, they are perfectly designed for what we're asking them to do. Blitzing down rock gardens and ripping berms is mostly as simple as just relaxing and letting the bike do the work, and this is evidenced by the fact that after a decade of hard work and tireless training I routinely get smoked by juniors and senior citizens, and when I go to World Cups 45 guys from Eastern Europe who no ones ever heard of put 7 seconds into me. These are people from countries that don't even know the earth is round. You can get down all the alternate steep lines on Goat's Gully? Cool, so can anyone with a pulse and an open mind.

Contrast this with skateboarding or bmx where the platform is inherently  unstable and constantly trying to kill you, and you quickly realize why your freeride flicks and "scrubs" do not impress the ROBOTS.




Double peg down a steep 15 stair to hardway 180 out > anything Matt Miles will do in his life.



Skateboarding, and to a lesser extent bmx, are like the soccer of the action sports world. Anyone with a patch of dirt and a ball can play soccer, so the talent pool is extremely large and the level of competition is extremely high. Like, the highest in the world. Similarly, everyone in the developed world under the age of 30 has tried skateboarding at one point or another, and 99.9% of them quickly discovered they suck at life and basketball is easier.

By contrast, the qualifications for being an interior BC freeride style god are:
  • Do you live in interior BC?
  • Do you possess rudimentary bike and or ski/snowboard skills?
  • Can you wiggle your bike around in the air and on the ground?
  • Most importantly, do you have a friend with a 6D and a tripod who sees himself as an artistic visionary and plans to attend film school at UBC in the fall?




Cool high tops.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Figured you always got beat because you suck dog dick.

splooge said...

That comment was somehow worse than "FIRST!"

Anonymous said...

Are there any bmx/skate boarders that live past 16?

Wayne Parsons said...

I applaud you for 'getting' skateboarding. Thank you. I struggled for ten years trying to get good enough to get a pseudo-sponsored by a shop or better yet a brand. Skated 8hrs a day, almost everyday. Studied it religiously the whole time. I failed miserably. I moved from my hometown to Vancouver where 12 year old kids were 1000x better than me. Disheartened and humbled I moved onto mountain bikes. Within 3 whole years I was racing in elite on the local circuit and I would occasionally get free parts/bikes. No training, no proving myself. I just got there by the passing of time, or, the accumulation of points. That's why skateboarding is the be all/end all of technical skills. You just can't fake it. There is no hiding behind a personality or marketability. That's why so many Ams are better than Pros. Its so incredibly humbling - that's why I still do it at 42 years of age. Skateboarding is purely an art form, whereas mountain biking is a 'sport'. Two very different activities.

I think its unfair though to knock the interior BC bike riders, because those guys have incredible talent. I live here too and I see what they do. Not many people on this planet can do what they do.

You are right though that to be an okay mountain bike rider you need a modicum of talent, some balls, and the equipment.

zede said...

I totally agree on this skate thing. I did skate for smthg like 4-5 years, I never managed to be good at something else than ollies. I could easily beat 8years old kids when the game was "who do the higher Ollie?" but when it was about real tricks...
The only thing which is really difficult in mtb is prediction of ground adherence. bmx and skate are street stuff, so you ride like 99% on concrete, therefore, grip is easily predictable.

Anonymous said...

So you're bad at "real sports" like skating and bmx, and at "easy sports" like mountain biking?

Anonymous said...

I tried to look at this like you were joking, but I honestly think you're just a retard. Yes, skating is sketchy and anybody who's successful with it is obviously really skilled and eaten shit thousands of times. It's not like the best skaters are drastically more skilled at what they do than the best dh racers.

Also, I've seen that Wayne Parsons guy ride. Rode an Xprezo with x-fusion suspension. He seemed like the kind of guy who thinks he's the shit because he had gotten a couple decent results racing expert in some regional races nobody has ever heard of. No shit it's easy to get some bro hook ups for a local bike shop, I know plenty of guys average at skating who get hook ups from skateshops.

Wayne Parsons said...

^ Clearly someone who knows me. Did I write that?

Anonymous said...

^Seeing someone ride isn't the same as knowing someone...

Anonymous said...

100% true. It's OK though, got nothing to prove, I like being in the woods.

Coach Pete CLC said...

You and Cory should find some time this week to smoke a dipper and film that "Robot rides the Subway" video we've been talking
about.
The 4th of July on the P-town waterfront would be a great place to get some vid clips too . Everybody will be smoking Dippers down there.
#SmokingDippers

kidwoo said...

Man you guys really need to check out Wayne Parson's autobiography when it comes out. I just saw an excerpt (don't remember where) but it sounds really really fascinating.
Like fascinating. Like really. Like no really.




#blessed

Anonymous said...

I'm glad the trash talk is back.

spin to win said...

The two sports seem so different it seems strange to even compare them.

http://www.thetoptens.com/hardest-sports/

Skateboarding is ranked #51 hardest sport to learn, after competitive baton twirling. Some of the downhill street skate competitions have been cool though.

Anonymous said...

Amen. Fuck downhill bikes, coasting those things down a bike park means nothing. I know tons of longtime riders who are terrified of even throwing a leg over a DJ bike. Gimme a fuckin break

Anonymous said...

yeah mountain biking sucks!

Anonymous said...

As with others who have written here, I would agree that Mountain bicycling is a waste of time and potential.

From now on I will volunteer my time towards getting Rick Santorum elected president.

Reformed Roadie said...

^^ That will be harder than any sporting activity known to man.

Anonymous said...

^^^
Cool hardest sports list, props to horseridr_chrldr_babe and the readers for selecting it. Glad to see motocross is almost as hard as "rowing."

Derp said...

stand up paddle boarding is not only easy but hard to watch.

Anonymous said...

SUP Yoga is a real thing.