Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Jean Gerard

For the last two seasons I've had people ask me at downhill races "wait, you still race downhill? I thought you were full time enduro guy." 

I ride for Felt, I race a lot of enduros, I'm past my prime and borderline irrelevant in downhill racing, so yes, on paper I should be "enduro guy." And I would be good at it too, if it weren't for this one guy who keeps showing up and winning everything in sight:




Luke Strobel. He's definitely not "enduro guy," he's still on flat pedals, and I don't think he pedals most of the time because he's lazy, but he keeps winning everything and making me look like shit. And if that wasn't bad enough, on Monday morning after the race, he texts me crap like this:

"Dude, you should put this up on TEAM ROBOT. So good."




You know in Talledega Nights when Ricky Bobby keeps getting beat by Jean Gerard, and Jean is sipping macchiato while driving and he spends his days on his ranch grooming his collection of gay horses with his husband while painting. It's like that.


Getting beat at every race by is bad enough, but when they start texting you youtube videos of sock puppets playing Weird Al versions of bad metal songs, it's too much for a ROBOT to take.

21 comments:

Unknown said...

Typos, and misuse of the word "borderline"

2/10

Joe the Juicehead said...

Strobel needs an unexpected urine splash "speed bump" in the middle of his run. Lol. That'll take the wind out of his sails.
-
BTW- The winner of the Tour de France this year got doused with urine, and he still won. So- There's a lesson to be learned in that too.

Many articles about it on YouTube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yesbXMh0VVI

Anonymous said...

Funny how auto correct could switch 'borderline' for 'completely'.

Anonymous said...

[see August 18th post]

Anonymous said...

Totally disagree. The original is not a bad metal song.

Daniel Skellie said...

You can't be something you're not, man.

Anonymous said...

Too bad he doesn't have a blog we could read. Not that it would be better also. Probably.

Anonymous said...

Will anybody explain to me what's so many World Cup pros keep their tire pressures secret? In that Dirt mag gwin bike check Steve Jones asks Gwins mechanic about tire pressure and he says "I'm not giving secrets here". Also when asked about his forks damping he says "our settings are where everyone elses are". The fork I suppose makes a little sense, but tire pressure? Really?

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, some good old regional downhill race rivalry

Anonymous said...

Uh Charlie.
Do I see you sporting a chubby while you look at said rival in the pics?

Anonymous said...

i was wondering who the fuck that sad-assed dude was in your derp diary

Anonymous said...

To be fair, anything related to regional enduros is irrelevant. Regional downhills at least capture the attention of tens of dozens of people.

Anonymous said...

"I ride for Felt" i thought they made road bikes

RickyBobby said...

why do people raise there hands on podiums?

Anonymous said...

Felt Bicycles- Stand over only a Sponsel could love.

Cal Naughton Jr. said...

Didn't Ricky Bobby win races?

zede said...

Since when are birds allowed to race? it's unfair imo

Anonymous said...

Dear Senor Robot:

Please amend your "status" as someone who is somewhat fast.
Seems to me you are only somewhat fast in the PNW, and you suck a big one when racing more than 500 miles from home.

Strobel, on the other hand, is fast in other zip codes as well.

Anonymous said...

At least give us something mildly funny on world Champs and Bruni being French, Nobot.

Unknown said...

Too busy preparing to shit all over Rampage, I guess.

aerlangga said...

This is awesome

Dana cepat jaminan bpkb mobil