Saturday, September 26, 2015

UnReal: the lost segment

This Wil White video perfectly captures what UnReal and every other self-important MTB video looks like to me. Whoever shared the link in the comments section, thank you.

Indistinguishable. Like, this was made by TGR, right?

MONCLER PASSION FOR SPORT: FREERIDE from BARON FILMS on Vimeo.



In the first draft of UnReal the script probably read "Brett Rheeder straps red smoke bomb to chainstay then rides in circles in Utah desert," but then they couldn't get the fire permits so they changed it to "Brett Rheeder rides next to a bunch of horses in the Utah desert" instead.


Horses or smoke bombs, TGR probably didn't care one way or the other. Their target demographic is 14 year-olds on Pinkbike, after all.

28 comments:

Evan Turpen said...

Dang! Checked out Montcler's site and they sell $195 t-shirts. Wil looks like he might be rocking a $2,210 jacket. What is that company smoking?

Anonymous said...

Piss flaps.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I watch videos on Team Robot and I wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. That was utter shit and the rider sucks.

T. Geeyar said...

Chuckles, maybe it's this:

Horses or smoke bombs, TGR probably didn't care one way or the other. Their target demographic is trustafarians in their 30s who think and act like 14 year-olds on Pinkbike, after all.

The Chez said...

And here I thought Kitsbow couldn't be topped....does that make them a power bottom?

Anonymous said...

Yes Charlie, let the hate flow through you. Let it overwhelm you and fill the void in your heart that was left when you didn't make into the big boy leagues of racing.

I hear 20 year old metal mouth Riche Rude swept the first day of the EWS in Ainsa, I wonder what he thinks of this clip.

Charlie is just the same as every other guy who's a Semi Pro in the action sports world. They think they are the shit cause they got a free set of skis or carbon cranks or some shit. Then all they do is go around and shit on everything because deep down inside they know they are just stalling for time before they get a nice cushy office job in a cubicle with terrible lighting and end up accepting the fact that they wasted their youth trying for the impossible and now they have no friends cause they were such large jackasses.

Charlie, it must be exhausting to shit on every aspect of the sport you--I'm assuming--love. How much old man Fiber tablets do you eat in that #wambulance?

The Robot Slayer said...

^^^ Hi Wil!!

Anonymous said...



Another mountain biker with no comedic sense who clearly doesn't get the joke. we will never be legit as long as we have these frisbee golf players in our little sport.

btw, What are "old man fiber tablets"?

Anonymous said...

God damn it! We are supposed to be wearing leggings now? Here I am wearing a brand new pair of tld pants. Don't I look like an idiot.

Anonymous said...

Dunno what you guys are talking about...whenever i see a new mtb vid, my first thought is "needs more stallions." Remember that brannigan edit? Would have been 10 times better if he had jumped a herd of ponies.

splooge said...

Anon @ 8:40

That was the dumbest fucking comment I've seen here in a month, and that's saying something.

1. Nobody cares about enduro
2. Nobody cares what Richie Rude would say about a shitty overhyped brobrah mountain bike video (like he gives a fuck about "soul" videos anyway)
3. Even if he did give a fuck, nobody cares because he's not funny, he's fast. Charlie is funny and not as fast, hence the blog. Being world cup fast isn't a fucking requirement for talking shit, and even if that shit-for-brains logic made sense, Charlie is still faster than you.
4. Nobody cares why your butt is so hurt right now but you need to calm the fuck down. Don't come back to the comment section until you rub one out (while watching your favorite Wil White video)

Anonymous said...

^Shit gets real when Richie chimes in

Willie said...

After watching that, then looking at Montclers web store, I want to kill myself. $2000 jackets, rediclious high fashion shit? Like they give a shit about mountainbiking or any sport for that matter.

Willie said...

I bet you Will White didnt even get to keep the jacket....

Anonymous said...

If no one cares, then why the fuck is there money in Enduro? Oh yeah, cause it sells a shit ton of bikes, and Richie is going to have single handedly sell a shit ton of Yetis.

Charlie? Maybe a set of bars or something.

This is what I don't get about mountain biking, so much goddamn internal fighting over stupid shit. You make the republican party look good.

P.S Fuck that video, TGR should stick to Ski films. Oh wait, they suck too.

The Shit Fisher said...

Do you think Wil White paid for that POC helmet out of pocket or do you think he took your guide to making money by getting sponsored by European companies and followed it to a T?

Honestly, I don't think Wil has commented on here yet because I truly believe that even he thought that video was sorry as fuck.

Anonymous said...

Mountain biking needs more "lifestyle" brands espousing "passion for (insert sport here)". I want riding a bike to be more like downhill skiing. Who is going to make a $3000 one-piece for cold weather riding?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about Wil's other classic commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Yb8fm4J9bM

zede said...

Wil got a 2000€ jacket.
Meanwhile, charlie is wearing his second hand FSA windbreaker.

conclusion?

Dr. Pepper said...

Thanks for the video! Finally a clothing company where I can shop by mood.

Anonymous said...

If there was more slowmo it would have been better

Anonymous said...

In lieu of a cash payment, wil accepted $29 worth of fabric that will resale for $67.50 Canadian?

Coach Pete Sr. LC said...

dammmm- Willy White is Living Large. $2000 dollar jackets? I'd like to see the look on Charlie's face when homey pulls up in a Lamborghini , lol

splooge said...

@ 7:43

Here, let me hold your hand: in the context of UnReal, the dudebros who liked UnReal, and this (downhill oriented) blog talking shit on UnReal, nobody gives a fucking fuck about fucking enduro, nor people who are fast at racing enduro. Not because enduro doesn't make money or because Richie Rude isn't fast at enduro bike riding, but because it's fucking irrelevant to the topic of discussion.

Your point about Richie selling more bikes than Charlie is almost as fucking stupid, though, so silver star for you.

Anonymous said...

Reminded me of a Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercial?

Anonymous said...

So Splooge. If one follows point 4 (aka rub one out) before commenting, will the resulting comment be.......yours?

Anonymous said...

"So Splooge. If one follows point 4 (aka rub one out) before commenting, will the resulting comment be.......yours?"

ENGRISH?

splooge said...

This just got meta